Noise is Loudest in the Quiet

Maybe it's just me, but have you ever noticed that the times when you are trying to be SUPER quiet are the times that you seem to be the worst at being quiet? Most mornings, I'm the first one up to start the morning routine, so I try really hard to be quiet so as not to disturb everyone else who is still sleeping. Sometimes, when I'm trying to be EXTRA quiet, I find myself stubbing my toe on something, or knocking things over. I even make it worse by trying to catch what I knocked over and end up knocking even more things down. I think part of it is just that everything seems louder in stark contrast to how quiet you are trying to be, but it seems genuinely true as well that things like that happen more often when you are going out of your way to be quiet.

It's kind of like being TOO cautious when you're driving, and you end up CAUSING the accident rather than preventing it. (DISCLAIMER: I do not advocate not driving cautiously, but I do feel as if you CAN overdo it.)

Life seems kinda like that for me right now. Don't get me wrong. I am so blessed. I recognize how many things are going well for me and I'm so thankful for all I have. I've noticed, however, that often, much to my frustration, the harder I work at something, the further I get from accomplishing it. I have been trying to do better about a lot of things lately, and it just seems like I take one step forward and two steps back. Still, any effort at all is probably better overall than no effort, so I'll keep trying. It's just frustrating that it turns out that way.

Learned Something Today

So a few weeks ago, I was getting irritated with how many times I had to repeat my instructions to my almost-9-year-old. Once I had his attention, I tried to calmly explain that he needs to try to listen a little better. He then said, "I know, mom talked to me about this. I tune you guys out and can't hear you, so I need to be careful about that." And so I left it at that. He definitely didn't need the same lecture twice.

Today in Sunday School, I taught a lesson about service. One of the things we talked about in the class was what we can do to be ready to help people and provide service. One of the most important things we can do is to be in tune to promptings from our Heavenly Father, so He can tell us what others need help with.

It dawned on me today during my lesson that we as people do the same thing we've been working on with my son. How many times does the Lord try to get our attention, only to find that we've tuned Him out and we only listen when it's convenient, or good timing. I can definitely do better about about responding when He calls on me for something.

It kind of made me wonder if He goes through the same frustrations with us as we do with our kids. He loves us and wants the best for us, but we so often get in the way of Him giving us blessings or teaching us the lessons that we need to be prepared for life.

Something to think about anyway.

Change is Good...Right?

So for those of you out there who don't know, I am starting a new job on the 18th. Well, kind of. It's not really a new job. I've been doing some consulting in addition to my regular full time work, and the people I've been doing consulting for offered me a great position working full time for them. So I'm starting a new job, but I'm going to be working on some of the same stuff for the same company I've been working with for some time now.

I've felt really good about this change, so I'm not even questioning it, but I thought I'd just list good and bad things about the switch:

The Good:

• I have felt like this is a great time for me to change jobs. I've been working at my current job for almost 5 years now, and I don't want to be too stagnant, so in the back of my mind, I've already been thinking about looking.
• I've been putting in (on average) about 10-15 hours per week with my consulting, as well as putting some extra hours into my regular job to try to get ahead there, so I haven't been home much. This new job (and only one job, no consulting for now) will allow me to spend way more time at home with my family (yay!)
• I drive about 40 miles round trip to work right now. After the job change it'll be about 5. So I'll spend less time on the road (meaning even more time with the fam), plus I'll use way less gas and put way fewer miles on my car.
• I'm kind of kidding about this one, but I get to get a fresh start with my "to do" list. My current to do list at work is HUGE! Granted, most of it isn't just a "to do" list, but a "would like to do" list. There are so many things that are on my list as "If I can get to it" tasks. It'll be nice to be starting with a pretty clean slate (not completely clean, because I've already got a couple of things that I've been working on in my consulting).
• It really is a great offer. In fact, in a lot of ways, this new company has gone out of it's way to make the offer so nice and be so helpful as I transition over. It's hard to ignore the fact that they obviously were willing to go to that much effort to convince me to change jobs.

The Not-So-Good:

• At my current job, I have had a chance to be so involved, not only with my own team, but with all different areas of the company. It's hard to leave a place and people you know so well. Especially the people I work the closest with. We've worked through some crazy stuff, not just at work, but in our personal lives as well. So leaving those people is hard. And meeting and trying to get to know a whole new set of people is difficult as well. I hope everyone's ok with me calling them "hey you", or "dude" for a while.
• Over the last 5 years, I have learned so much about the systems and data that I work with every day, along with much of the company's processes and procedures. Going to a new company where I know very little of this information is a little intimidating. I just have to remember that I started in the same boat 5 years ago and was just fine.
• Change is always hard. I am a man of routine. I have the same morning schedule every morning. I eat the same breakfast. For the most part, I drive the same route to places once I find the one I like. I don't really try new things all that often. So that's a little uncomfortable. But the silver lining to this item is that the change isn't as big as it could be if I was getting hired by a company I'd never consulted for.
• And there are a couple of silly little things. For example, at my current job, we have parking under my building. So I pretty much never have to clean off my car in the winter. I just drive from my garage to the parking garage and back. It's an outdoor lot at my new job. Related to that, it's been nice always having a free parking spot downtown. That goes away too.

All in all, as I mentioned, it feels like the right thing to do, so ultimately it's what I am going to do, regardless of the pro/con list. But it's nice that there are so many benefits with this change. It makes the change itself more manageable.

And I'd like also add that I just feel grateful to even have a job. I've loved working where I've been working. I've learned and grown so much. It has been a fantastic experience, and I think it has helped to shape me and my career. It has been great. I also would like to add that my experience thus far with the new company has been very positive as well. I will get to learn lots of new things there, as well as hone the skills I've already gained. I can't help but think that I'm just really lucky.

I'm so blessed...

and excited...

and a little sad...

but happy.

You know?

3652....

So I like numbers.

You know how some people doodle on their papers when they're bored? I do too, but it often has to do with numbers. Not so much anymore, but I would even write my own math problems to solve. As a doodle. Oh, and I will often do math problems either in my head or on paper, even if it takes way longer than pulling out a calculator. Yeah. So that's me.

Anyway, so I thought it was only fitting that I share with you a few of my favorite numbers:

1: The number of times I've fallen in love.

2: The number of people in a marriage.

4: The number of kids I am fortunate to have.

5: The number of times I've moved since I got married.

6: The size of my family.

10: The number of years in a decade (and how many years I've been married!)

14: The number of years since we met.

3652: The number of days that I've been married to Rhoda.

12100: Days since I was born

30%: Percentage of my life I've been married and to my sweetheart

5392: Number of times I've screwed something up and yet Rhoda still finds it in her heart to forgive me. (OK, so I made up that number, but it's probably pretty close.)

And I think this is probably my favorite:
infinity: The number of years I can be with Rhoda. Forever. That's good, because I don't think anything less would be long enough.

I love her so much. She puts up with my procrastination, flakiness, my inability to make a quick decision. She listens to full-length versions of stories because I can't seem to figure out how to tell the Reader's Digest version. She supports me in everything I try to do. She has been a rock and anchor in turbulent times in my life. She is such a part of me and my life. She means everything to me. I wish I were better about showing it to her. She truly is 1 in 6.7 billion, and I can't believe the good fortune that has been mine to be married to her for the past decade.

Here's to many more.

Utah State Fair!

So we have made a tradition of going to the state fair EVERY year. Our kids absolutely love it. We usually make a big loop around the fair. There are a few must-see items on the list.

This is usually how it goes. First, to the The Amazing Butter Cow (Aunt Debbie does an amazing job on it every year!), and then up and around to Little Hands on the Farm. The kids love it. They get to feed and milk a (fake) cow. They get to plant a (fake) seed and pick the (fake) fruits and vegetables. They get to brush a (fake) sheep and a couple of other things too. At the end they get to pick a treat (a small bag of chips, a string cheese, a little thing of milk, and they have a few other things too). Anyway, then we almost always ride the big yellow slide. Not sure if Rusty will again. He said afterwords something to the effect: "That ride is not fun!" After that, we will usually then go ride a couple of other rides, and then walk through to see all the sheep, cows, pigs, and goats on our way out. I also thought I'd mention that I just about ALWAYS run into someone I know at the fair, which is kind of weird because it's such a big place and there are so many people there. Crazy.

Oh, and I think I'll take this opportunity to admit that I am a people-watcher. I find other people fascinating. Especially when they don't appear to be just normal, every day people. Don't you just wonder what some people are thinking (or maybe obviously NOT thinking) when they say something or dress a certain way? I know I do. Truth be told, the fair is a great place for people-watching. I'm not saying that EVERYONE that goes is totally abnormal. I mean, WE go (oh wait, that probably doesn't help my arguement). But there seems to be a very high percentage of the weird ones at the fair.

So as we went to the fair, I was looking forward to a bit of this people-watching, expecting some good entertainment (the state fair hasn't failed me yet in this department). Imagine my surprise, then, when the tables were turned and I occasionally caught people staring at ME when I walked by. I would think "You've got it backwards, buddy - I should be staring at YOU." At first, I was a little weirded out. Then I realized that they were trying to read what it said on my shirt before I passed them. HAHA! I was wearing one of my "funny" shirts. I love it. It reads, "I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how AWESOME I AM" (I love it cause it true, right? Cause I'm awesome like that, right? RIGHT?!). Yeah, so that's why they were staring. And maybe it was the shoes too.

Of course, so I wondered how many times other people have worn shirts with sayings on them that I stared at long enough to read, and wondering if people thought later "why was that weird guy staring at me?" Oh well. I'll have to watch that.

Anyway, we had a great time. It's fun to have traditions. And in keeping with that tradition, on the way home, just like always, the kids said "Goodbye Utah State Fair! See you next year!" Indeed.

Things That Make a Semi-Geeky Father Proud...

So I was thinking today that we are raising a whole passel of at least semi-geeky Crabbs.  Here are some examples:

Rusty has really started to like playing on the computer.

Wes gets a kick out of movie quotes. He thinks it's hilarious when ANYONE quotes a funny line from a show.

Mily loves to read. She just entered first grade, and she says that they tested her reading and apparently she tested at a 4th grade level! I walked past the front room just a few minutes ago, and out of all the things she could have been doing on a Saturday afternoon, there she was sitting in the chair, just reading away. And I'm told that she read for like 2½ hours yesterday!

 

Josh's favorite Wii game (for the last little while anyway) has been Lego Star Wars. Sometimes when I tell him about the movies, he can play the game better because he understands more of what he's supposed to do.  It's been a while since I've seen them all, so I'm thinking that we need to watch them together.

So I'm sorry, kids, but it looks like you've inherited at least some of your father's geekiness.  Hopefully people in Jr. High and High School don't hold it against you.

Different

Huh.

So I've had a pretty hectic week. And it's not over.

I knew at the beginning of the week it was going to be crazy. In all my work projects that I'm juggling, it's like they were all converging on deadlines pretty much all at the same time.

But here's the weird thing. Projects I expected to take a long time took relatively short time. Other projects I expected to knock out quickly took a lot longer than expected. There have even been a couple of unplanned/last minute things that I had to take care of, which I wasn't even factoring in when I was kind of planning out my week.

I guess you can never really know exactly how things are going to go.

I've still got all of Labor Day weekend to take care of some lingering stuff that's due after that. I even have most of the day after Labor Day. I took the day off to make a couple of scheduling things go easier with the fam. But I'll probably be working most of the day. I know. I took the day off so I could work. Haha. Funny.

Looking back, I probably shouldn't have had Rhoda pick that book up from the library. It's been at the house for almost a week now (thanks Rhoda!), and I haven't even picked it up. At this rate, it'll be due before I can even crack it open.

The good part? Man, I was able to finish up (or at least come REALLY close to finishing up) some lingering problems/projects that I've had sitting on my 'To Do' list for a while.

In fact, I think that so far this week I've actually crossed more things off my 'To Do' list than I added to it, so I call that a win.

Things to Smile About...

So earlier today, I saw on another blog a list of "10 Things to Smile About", and I thought it'd be especially appropriate, while in the hustle and bustle of a crazy week to really take a couple of minutes and make that list. So here goes:

1. Blogging at work (shhhh)
2. When my oldest son casually lets me know this morning that he can get his own breakfast ready if I want him to, while I know that the reason he’s offering is because Mom had a conversation with the kids about Dad’s crazy week, asking the kids to help out as much as they can, and he’s just trying to follow through with that.
3. That Mom even had a conversation with the kids about Dad’s crazy week, asking the kids to help out as much as they can, because Dad’s probably going to be gone even more than usual.
4. That while Mom was explaining about this crazy week to the kids, my daughter got that look. You know, when the eyes get big, and she starts to blink really fast, and you just know if it goes any further, there will be full on tears. And that you know that she’s not really upset about HER missing out on DAD time, but that she’s upset because she’s worried about ME missing out on KID time.
5. The look on my Kindergartner’s face when Mom asks “How’d you get that nose bleed? Did someone punch you in the nose?” See, I saw it happen. It was ‘self inflicted’. Time to clip that kid’s fingernails.
6. When my 2 year old wants to make sure that as I leave the house for work, I give everyone ‘kissies’. He didn’t see me kiss my daughter, and he wanted me to go back and make sure I took care of that.
7. One night, as I tucked my daughter into bed, she asked me if I would close her closet. I told her “No, but I’d be happy to CLAWS your CLOSE-it”, just to be weird. This became an almost nightly ritual. I guess she got tired of it, because she started saying “Can’t we just say CLOSE my CLOSET?” Of course, I replied, “Well YOU can say that, but I’m ALWAYS going to say CLAWS your CLOSE-it,” just to tease her a little bit. The other night, as I was tucking her in bed, she said “Dad, can you CLAWS my CLOSE-it?” Even though she didn’t really want to say it that way, she did because she thought I liked it better that way.
8. That I’m getting a screaming deal on a refinance when a month ago I thought I wouldn’t be able to refinance at all.
9. Making good enough progress on a project that I totally lose track of the time and stay up WAY later than I should. (Which I’m TOTALLY gonna regret tomorrow, but hey, I made lots of progress on my project!)
10. That I have more than I deserve. I mean, I have sooooo much to smile about. I have a wonderful wife, and 4 great kids. I have 2 jobs. Sure, my schedule’s crazy, but there are a lot of people who don’t have a job at all, and here I have 2. And neither of them is fast food or retail. I have a nice home, 2 nice cars, and the list goes on and on. I guess I’m just a lucky guy. And that makes me smile indeed.

Like House, Like Owner...

Have you ever been in someone's house and thought "yeah, this is exactly how I imagined their house to be"? I have. It's interesting that an inanimate object can "fit" a person so well. It almost seems to show the same personality. Yes, I'll admit it's probably because that person has decorated it to make it that way, but it's true, regardless of the reason.

I remember when we were putting our old house up for sale, our realtors did a great job helping us stage it. They had us remove stuff that basically showed our personality, which made it easier for buyers to see it as being potentially theirs. (It totally worked, by the way. We sold our house a lot faster than we were expecting!)

Anyway, I realized today that my house that I've lived in for the last 14 or 15 months is kind of like that with me, at least in one way. Only in my case, I didn't make it that way. It's just that way by itself.

So this house does something that no other house I've lived in before did. It's a small thing, but it's weird. It is not uncommon for me to go to turn a light on or off, and I notice that the switch plate jiggles a little, or if it's dark and I'm feeling for the switch, occasionally I'll bump the screw and notice that it is pretty loose. So I try to tighten them down whenever I notice this. It even sometimes happens with the same switch plates - the ones that I've already tightened down. Weird huh?

Anyway, so back to the original intent of this post, to tell you why I realized that I have at least one thing in common with my house. Yep, you guessed it:

We both occasionally have a screw loose.

Explains a lot, doesn't it?

"Sleeping" out

So the kids slept outside on the trampoline last night. Rhoda slept out with them (on an air mattress on the ground). Me? Not so much. I stayed inside because I had to get up early for work the next morning. And I was out late.

Rhoda didn't sleep too well last night. With the kids waking up cold, the neighbors' sprinkler hitting the fence, the wind blowing through the wind chimes, and the sun rising at 6am, it's like the perfect storm for light sleepers having a sleepless night. Oh, and there was this, too:

Usually, when I get home from being out late and Rhoda's already in bed, I go give her a quick kiss and let her know I'm home. She usually wakes up just a little bit, enough to acknowledge that I'm there, and then falls right back to sleep.

So, just doing what I thought was normal, I crept outside (I didn't want to wake up the kids), and quietly knelt down next to her and just like usual, I gave her a quick kiss and told her I was home. What wasn't normal was her reaction. I guess she wasn't expecting me to come outside and do that, so she was startled wide awake in a panic. Needless to say, it took her a while after that to fall asleep (sorry, Rhoda!).

Yeah, I guess I should have seen that coming. Totally didn't. And while I felt bad about that, I have to admit, I thought it was pretty funny. I love you Rhoda!

Make that change...

Haha! That title is a great family inside joke. And this post isn't about THAT.

So I couldn't NOT post some of my thoughts lately. I have had another birthday. I'm not that old and I don't even really feel old. I of course enjoyed all the pampering and love that I got on my birthday. I like birthdays, even at an age where my kids (and wife) ridicule me because of how OLD I am!

Birthdays kinda make you think, though. Sort of like New Year's, you think about things you could change. Birthdays make me think about where I'm at in life and what I'm doing. What kind of person I am, and whether or not that is the kind of person I would like to be.

So inevitably, that leads to some thoughts about making some changes. In many ways, the changes I would like to make involve a re-focus, rather than any new effort on my part. Things that I used to do and don't anymore (or at least not with as much regularity). Things that have always been on my list of self-improvements.

It's funny how habits are really hard to break, unless of course it is a good habit.

I appreciate greatly the blessings and opportunities in my life, and I don't want to take advantage of or misuse any of them, or even lose them, due to my bad actions, or more commonly, my inaction.

I don't mind getting older. What really concerns me as I get older, is this: Am I getting wiser, better, more mature, more capable, etc., etc., etc.?

One change is this blog. I looked at Rhoda's blog, and it said my last post was 'A Month Ago', and that was only there because Rhoda hijacked my blog. I have so many thoughts and feelings, and I love the way they evolve as I write about them.

So what will I change? I have a couple of things on my "top priority" list, and I'm working on those. What about you? Are there changes you can make? Are there things, even small things, that you can do to become more the person you want to be? Give it a shot. Some things are easier than they seem.

P.S. As a side note about my birthday, I'd like to give a shout-out to Rhoda. She got me a great gift. Something that I mentioned in passing probably at least a couple of months ago. Yet she remembered that it was something I wanted. And, to be honest, it'll probably figure in to at least one change I'd like to make. Thanks, Rhoda!

Side-Step into trouble!

Trouble....I might just be in it! But, holy cow...he left himself signed in! AWESOME! How can I not take advantage of that? After all he is due for a little payback! Hahahah! Click Here if you want to learn more about this awesome picture!

I decided while I'm risking life and limb to hijack his blog for the day, I'd make a list of some of my first favorite "Shawn moments:"

1. The very first time I saw him: He was the new kid at work (USANA) and he was pulling an order. As he was walking back towards the computers, (where I was) I noticed he was SINGING and DANCING as he came back to grab his products! Not quietly either, I was ten feet away and could tell he had a very nice voice...and was that a jazz square I just saw? (jk☻) At first I was stunned that a man would do that, then I thought it was awesome. He never really cares what other think...he's very happy and secure with who he is!

2. The second time I really noticed him was a few months later, Halloween 1996...the shipping department went out to eat at La Frontera's. (one of my Fav's) The waiters were handing out everyone lunches...one guy in a very Spanish accent yelled out "Who ordered the hamburger?" Every head spun around to see who ordered a HAMBURGER at a Mexican restaurant! It was that same kid who sings and dances! He had on a big COW BOY HAT(for his Halloween Costume) and I don't know why but because of that I thought that he must LOVE country music! So you can imagine it was a big surprise to find out that he really, really, really, doesn't like country music!

3. The third time I noticed him was when my friends and I were on break up in the lunch room. We were all sitting around just bantering back and forth, the topic of "FUNNY" last names came up and we were all taking turns listing out ones that we've heard. I had a real funny one, I told them that at my last job there was a kid with the last name of Crabtree...hahaha! Instead of laughter I got 5 swift kicks from under the table! OUCH! The gal closest, points behind me so I turn and see this same singing, dancing, cowboy hat-wearing kid, reading a book at the next table! What? "Don't you know his name?" No I honestly didn't. So when I went back down to work I asked my Lead Tiffany what his name was....Shawn CRABB???? ...and he's your little BROTHER!?? ...Oh! Ahhh, Awkward! Hahahha!

4. The first time I realized he like me: I was working on the computers and the same singing, dancing, cowboy hat-wearing, funny named kid...had come up to those of us who were at that station. We were all casually talking to him, he was really easy to talk to and was so nice to everyone, a few minutes later he said he needed to get back to work and he turned and left. The other girls around me started to giggle and Kelly leaned over and said, "You know he really likes you!" WHAT? I though I had graduated high school almost a year ago! "No seriously he really does," they all said...yeah sure! She told me they could prove it! Kelly said that at lunch time he always says good-bye to ME as we are passing by his work station. Okay fine, I'll pay attention and see if he says hi to just me or to all of us (he's just a really nice, friendly guy!) So lunch break was called, we started toward the door, and I could see that Shawn was at the other end of the room working on the computer...haha, there was no way he would get to the door before I left for lunch. Just before the shelving rack was about to block my view I saw him look up and notice that we were walking out for lunch. Then he jumped up and through the bottom the shelving unit I watched his feet RUN the length of the gravity feed and stop just before the end. By the time I could see him again, he was casually re-adjusting the products on the edge of the shelf, he looked over at ME, smiled and simply said, Bye! I remember looking back at Kelly who was smiling that "told you so!" smile!

5. Meeting the family: I remember volunteering to work the 4th of July holiday in Will call. I also remember that after I signed up, that same dancing, singing, cowboy hat-wearing, funny last name, gravity feed-running kid - - ironically had also signed up! Now truthfully, at this point Shawn and I had been on a few dates and I was incredibly flattered he was paying so much attention to me. While we were working that day, he asked me what my holiday plans were for the night. Well since I lived 3 hours from my parents and didn't have any thing planned with my cousins or sister, my plans were to go to work get some nice over time/holiday pay and then go home! (Wahoo!) He then told me that his family had a BBQ and that he would love it if I would come with him. After asking a dozen times if he was sure his family wouldn't mind that I came and butted-it and after a dozen times of him reassuring me that it would be fine...we drove over to the family BBQ. What Shawn didn't tell me was that it was an EXTENDED FAMILY BBQ and that every living relative that he had in the valley was going to be there! So not only did I meet his mom, sisters and cute little brother, but I met his aunts, uncles, all his cousins and even the new puppy dog Boochie! I think they were all just as shocked as I was to see me there!

Well I think this is a long enough post for now, maybe I will post more if I ever find myself in a position to do so again! Depending on how Shawn feels about this post, he may be way more careful when he signs himself into his blog!

I love my husband very much, he is a very wonderful man...and I just noticed he left the last of his Father's day steak for me to eat for lunch! (at least I think he left it for me!) What a sweet guy! Feel free to leave a comment with YOUR favorite "Shawn Memory!"

Love you forever Shawn! ☺

♥ Rhoda

Vacuuming...And it didn't suck!

I know what you're thinking. Your first thought was "Wow, two posts in two days!" Yeah, don't let that fool you. I just happened to have some stuff to write about for two days in a row. Also, sorry about the lame joke in the title. At least I make myself laugh.

So a couple of weeks ago, there was an announcement in Church: "We need at least 15 volunteers to help clean the temple on June 21st from 11pm until 1am." I chuckle as people start groaning about how late that is, and how they have to get up early for work the next day and stuff. It doesn't really sound late to me. The only question that crossed my mind is "Do I have any deadlines the next day (at either job) that might cause me to need to work extra late that night?"

I didn't, so I signed up. It's something I've never done before. It sounded like a great experience, and I'm sure that having these assignments is what keeps the temples so clean and nice.

So June 21st came. Now, anyone that knows me, knows that I am almost always late for everything. I don't know what it is but I just can't seem to get places on time. We were supposed to be there at 11. I actually got to the temple at 10:50, which gave me plenty of time to get changed (they have white scrubs to wear while you clean) before 11. I sat there in the chapel in the baptistry, just thinking about the temple, and how I don't go nearly as often as I would like to go. I also had this great memory of me and my friends in high school, in that very same room, when we would get to the temple at like 5am, sometimes every week for weeks at a time, to do baptisms for the dead, and what a cool experience that was for me as a teen. I looked around and saw all sorts of people from our ward. I think there were about 20.

It was simple. They divided us into groups and assigned us to a worker. It only makes sense, but I had no idea that there are employees who clean the temple late at night, and we're there to assist. I got the assignment of vacuuming a certain area and mopping a couple of floors. Even the vacuum was quiet in the temple. I was working pretty much by myself, and it gave me the chance to just think about the temple. It's a pretty neat place. I'm not saying that I had a vision or anything tonight, but I will say that I felt the Spirit, and I have no doubts that it is the House of God. Where else can you feel the Spirit of the Lord while vacuuming?

Being a Father

So for somewhat obvious reasons, I've been thinking about fathers today. I have a lot of great fathers that have taught me so much and I look up to them so much. One day, when I grow up, I want to be just like them.

Father's day is usually a day where everyone writes stuff about their fathers and when they've learned from them and things, but it got me thinking about actually being a father, so I thought I'd write some stuff from the dad's perspective. At least, from my perspective. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in these thoughts and feelings.

First of all, I wouldn't even be a father without my beautiful, wonderful, amazing, supportive wife. She is really the guiding, stabilizing force in our family. She is so giving and loving. Which brings me to our having 4 kids. Aside from everything else, to see all the changes and difficulty that she went through with each pregnancy, that she was willing to submit to that 3 more times (after she'd already gone through it once). My part in the whole thing was pretty insubstantial, in comparison. But that's not all that she gives to our family. I am constantly amazed at how much work she puts into making our children happy, and giving them wonderful experiences.

The feelings as I rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night in anticipation of having my first child.
So much was going through my mind those last few weeks (besides finals). I thought often about the responsibilities that go along with being a father. Responsibilities that I had yet to take on. I wondered if I'd be up to the challenges that lie ahead. I wondered if I'd be able to provide for my son the kind of life and upbringing he deserved. I wondered if he'd be healthy. I wondered if I'd be able to keep him safe. Such a small little life, depending on me for his care. What if I wasn't up to the task? I wondered if my wife and others knew how afraid I was of failing at those things. I thought a lot about my dad, and the things he did for our family, and wondered if I'd be able to fill those big shoes. We arrived at the hospital, and new concerns arose. Are they going to keep us here or send us home? Is the staff on duty qualified to handle the delivery of MY child. Sure, they do that all the time, but for MY child? Only the best is good enough!

I wanted him to be happy and safe and protected. I wanted him to have everything he needed, and I saw immediately what I guessed: Rhoda was there, giving him almost everything he needed. I loved him instantly. Unbelievably, that little, fragile, baby, was my son, and I loved him.

Will I have enough love for both of them?
In time, we were expecting our second. We didn't find out beforehand whether it would be a boy or girl, but I knew I'd love this child either way. And yet I had more fears. Adding another person to our family that needed support and protection and care. I had felt so much love for my first. Would I be able to feel that for my second, without the feelings for the other diminishing? How would that be possible? Would I be able to wisely divide my time between the two.

Same questions, same miracles.
In time, we had two more. Wow. I don't know that I ever looked forward at my life and imagined having 4 kids. Each time we were antipating one of them joining our family, I wondered the same things, even though the miracle had occurred each time. My capacity for loving apparently has grown, because I so dearly love my wife, and each of my four children beyond comprehension. I would be utterly and completely lost without them. My youngest is now about two and a half, and I still have the same fears and concerns. Will I be able to give my children what they need and will I be able to teach them what I need to teach them and will I be able to provide lasting memories for them to hold on to.

As time passes
I think about how the world has changed in my lifetime. I grew up in a little neighborhood, where all the neighbors knew each other and watched out for each other. We didn't lock our door, and we never had any problems. You'd watch the news and it was news and information, not just a list of crimes that had been committed, as so often happens these days. I watch that and think about my children, and the challenges they face, growing up, going to school. The world is not the safest place, and yet I want to be there to protect my children. And not just from crime, but from hurt. It's heart-wrenching to hear that your child has had a hard day at school because others weren't being nice. Or the look on the kids' face when you've gone too far in your reprimand, and you break their little heart. And yet, in no time, they've forgiven you and want everything to do with you. Amazing.

Realizations
Over time, I've realized a few things. I know that they are not new things, but they are things that I only partly understood until I became a father myself.

• Your children want you to be happy, and they try to do stuff for you, like making sure they use your favorite color when they make a picture, or making sure that you get to eat the sucker they gave you right away, and even tasting it first to make sure it's a good one for you.


• Your children want you to be proud of them. You could give them stuff, but in the end they just want your approval. It just takes a few seconds, but the joy on the childrens' faces when you take that couple of seconds and watch the "cool move" they do on the trampoline, or when they tell a joke, and you laugh.


• Your children are "so glad when daddy comes home". I love walking through the door at the end of a long day, and hearing the kids, almost simultaneously, yell "Daddy, you're home!" It erases, if even for a minute, the frustrations and tiredness from a long day's work.

This list could go on forever (like this post already has), because there have been so many things I've realized over the past 8 and a half years that I've been a dad.


It's the Best
So I love it. It's hard and scary, and you give up a lot to do it, but I love it. I love that it goes on forever. I love that I have lots of chances every day to do better, because I mess up a lot. I love that I get to be the silly, goofy, crazy, loving, concerned, protective dad. I love it all. I'll take the good with the bad, the joy with the frustration. It all tips in my favor. The joy and the good outweigh the frustration and bad. I think I can sum up my feelings about it in a few short words:

Being a dad is the best job in the world!

CrAzY cRaZy Schedule!

So I am continuously joking about my to do list at work. I am juggling many different things, ranging from small to large tasks, as well as ranging from critical to 'when you get a chance' tasks. I have a task list to keep track of it all. There are some days that I get to check off a few of those tasks. There are other days that I don't. Most days, I add one or two tasks, and some days I add a bunch. The thing is, I'm not sure that I'm keeping up. The list keeps getting longer and longer and to me that says that I'm not completing tasks at the rate that I'm getting new ones.

One of the problems with this, I have come to realize, is that there is ever-increasing pressure to finish tasks as quickly as possible to move on to the next task. Of course, this is how it should always be, but often this increased pressure leads to a task being only done enough to move on, but it's not completely done the way I'd like it to be. Sometimes, that leads to manual intervention on my part later because I don't have time to add as many features or options. Most times, that leads to another, smaller task to "finish" that task, so while I cross the big item off the list, I don't often reduce the actual number of tasks. Whenever someone gives me a new task, especially if it is "top priority" and I have to put everything else off to work on that, I often think, "Yeah, I'll never get anything done."

I have often thought that just working a little extra each day will help get these tasks done, but I want to TRY to maintain a little balance.

Balance. Haha. That's pretty funny.

So, on top of my task list at work, I have been given the awesome opportunity to do some consulting work for another company, which has been a HUGE financial blessing for my family. Our debt is shrinking rather than growing (FINALLY!), and we're determined to get out of debt. Now, they've got plenty for me to do (although admittedly, not nearly as many items on my task list there--mostly just one big job) and it provides ample opportunity for me to earn extra money, so I try to put extra time in there too. So my weekday schedule lately has been like this:

• Get up
• Get ready for work
• Get kids started getting ready for school
• Go to work
• Go straight from there to my consulting gig
• Come home in time to do nighttime routines with the family and put the kids to bed
• Often, I go back to my consulting work after the kids are in bed
• Come home
• Go to bed
• Start it all over again when I wake up a few hours later

So much for balance.

Now of course, I've got a similar task list issue at home too. I've got all sorts of things that I'd like to get working on, but largely because I work a lot, and as a family we have a lot going on as well (lots of things scheduled), I don't get nearly enough time to work on that stuff as I'd like. And I'll be honest. When I do get time, I don't always really want to spend it on that stuff. For example, I took some time to go through our sprinkler system, taking careful note of which sprinklers didn't work very well (they didn't work very well all through last summer. Rhoda was watering some parts of our lawn by hand all summer), and I bought the sprinklers that I needed to replace. I think that was a month ago. About half of the new sprinklers are sitting in the bag they were in when I bought them. The ones that are in the ground didn't get put in until at least two weeks after I bought them. Thank goodness it's been a pretty rainy season. Anyway, we also had a bunch of trees cut down, and to save money, we didn't have them remove or grind down the stumps. I want to get them out because we'd like to plant a couple of different kinds of trees as well as fix our grass in the back yard. Yeah, so anyway, the home task list is pretty long too, and it's not really getting any shorter.

Now, that being said, I think I'm doing an ok job at juggling all this stuff, but that's just my personal opinion. Admittedly, the list of home stuff suffers. But at the same time, a task list is just a task list, right? On top of all of that, I try to go out of my way to spend time and do stuff with my family when I can because that is really my top priority--making sure my family is safe and happy and that we have good, happy memories together. If I don't make a point to specifically schedule time to do that--actually spend time with my family, not just complete task lists at work and home--among everything else going on, then everything else is pointless. "No other success can compensate for failure in the home." I really believe that.

Two-Thirty

I can't hear the time "two-thirty" or anything like "what time do you go to the dentist?" without thinking about the old joke: "When is it time to go to the dentist?" "Tooth-Hurt-y" I thought that was an appropriate title for my post because this is the story of a man and his toothache.

I started having some pain Thursday night. Just a bit, not too bad. Friday morning it was worse, and I called the dentist, only to find that their office is closed on Fridays. Having recently changed dentists, I thought I'd try to see if I could get into my previous dentists office. Apparently, they are closed Fridays as well. Starting to sense a trend, I think "Well it's not THAT bad. I'll be OK getting it taken care of on Monday." The pain comes and goes, and each time it comes, it gets a little worse. Later in the day on Friday, when it gets bad, I look up emergency dentists, thinking maybe I should get in there ASAP because if it keeps getting worse like this all weekend, that won't be good. I see what they charge to do work outside of normal office hours, and think "I'm not paying that! I'd rather suffer with the toothache!". So, I take a regular-dosage cocktail of pain medicine (just over-the-counter stuff). Preparing for what could end up being a long weekend (and not in a good way), I also stop at the store on my way home and buy two different kinds of toothache reliever medicine.

OK, so that's all good, and I finish out the day Friday, being pretty OK. I find when I go to bed, if I take just the right medicine, slather a generous amount Orajel on my tooth and gums, and then go to bed, applying slight pressure to just the right spot on my jaw, I don't have any trouble falling asleep. Of course, to anyone that knows me and some of the people I'm related to, it should come as no surprise that sleeping is never something I have trouble with. If I'm awake like 3 minutes after I lay down, I think "Man, I'm having a hard time getting to sleep!" But I digress.

Anyway, so Saturday, I get up, repeat the process (pain medication + Orajel) and go throughout the day, secretly slipping away to apply more Orajel. I had a great time going to a number of events on Saturday, and got to see some old friends, and hang out with some family. All the while, wishing I could enjoy it more and really trying to act "normal" (if you can call how I typically would behave normal), hoping I'm fooling people. That night we get home late, and I'm supposed to teach a lesson and prepare for a meeting I have in the morning, neither of which I'm very prepared for at all. So I sit there trying to concentrate on that stuff. Meanwhile, I'm very tired and very much in pain. I think it was Saturday night that I told my wife that maybe what I need is an ice skate and a rock. (Sorry for the old movie reference. That scene from Castaway was so vivid!)

Sunday comes. I usually love Sunday. It is my family day. I go to work so much Monday through Saturday, and I get to spend almost all day Sunday every Sunday with them. Now, I go to my meeting. 4 people show up out of about 10-11 people that could be there. I guess that's pretty normal. Church is good, but again, I'm wishing I could enjoy it more than I really am. We go to other family's house and same story. I do have a good time, but it's tainted by my tooth. Anyway, so I'm able to make it through OK, using the same techniques. By the end of the night, I'm just so looking forward to calling the dentist Monday morning and getting an appointment.

Monday morning, the dentist opens at 8am. I call at 8:03. They tell me that they can get me in at 3:30 that afternoon. I must have sounded a little disappointed as I told her that would work, because she said, "Or, if you can make it in before 8:30 this morning, that would work too". Um, yeah. I can.

I sit down at the dentist, and he comes in telling me "I thought for sure that the other tooth would give you trouble first". Great. Something to look forward too.

Anyway, so he says "I'm gonna try a couple of tests". He pokes at it, and then taps on it. Whoa. That hurt. Then he says "I'm going to put this cold thing on there, and you raise your hand as soon as it feels a little cold and I'll take it off." I'm thinking that sounds just terrible. I steel myself for the pain. He proceeds to stick something cold on the tooth, and SURPRISE! I didn't feel it! "It's completely dead", he says, and "Taps" starts playing in my head, while I'm thinking "Then why does it hurt so much?"

So a ROOT CANAL it is. Got that done. Got to watch part of a movie in the ceiling while they worked just like my kids do when they go to their dentist. Awesome!. All the while thinking "It is going to make it feel SO MUCH BETTER!!!!" Which it did, especially while it was numb. Dentist gives me a prescription for some pain meds and antibiotics (yep, infected).

Fast-forward to work a few hours later. Being the stupid tough guy that I am, I don't fill both kinds of pain meds, forgetting that you can alternate between the two. (Um, yeah, that's probably why he gave me a prescription for both, duh!) Anyway, so I'm cruising through my day, feeling pretty good, when the feeling starts coming back to my mouth. I start wondering if it really should hurt worse than it did over the weekend, because it does. I guess it should. Infection doesn't just magically disappear, and there's all sorts of traumatic things my jaw went through besides. On the way home from work I get the other pain med prescription filled and do the best I can, but it hurts worse than it did all weekend, and I can't help but think how not cool that is.

Today, Tuesday, I guess we've made some progress. I woke up and the toothache itself was minimal. I guess over 24 hours of antibiotic will help take care of that. However, it feels like I've been PUNCHED IN THE FACE. Or maybe been on the wrong end of a ROUNDHOUSE or something. With how I feel, I look in the mirror expecting to see some bruising along my jaw line, or swelling or something. No, it looks normal. So I guess we're on the way out of feeling that way. I can handle a bruised, swollen feeling a lot easier than I can handle a toothache.

Here's the moral of the story: When I go in to the dentist for a checkup, and he says something like "You probably ought to get those two teeth taken care of as soon as you can." I think in my mind, "Yeah, OK. I'll get that taken care of sometime", but that's pretty much it. He just ends up reminding me every 6 months. Who would have thought that he meant "Get them fixed some time in the next 3 weeks?"

Wow

Sometimes I just get so caught up in everyday life that I don’t really realize how amazing my life is.

I had a 'WOW' moment this morning. You know, those moments when you take a step outside of the 'routine', if even for a second, and contemplate your life (or a single aspect of your life) and are overwhelmed with how wonderful it is. I have such an amazing wife. She is awesome. She is wonderful. On top of that, we have 4 children.

Following that 'WOW' moment came a moment of feeling OVERWHELMED. First, OVERWHELMED with all the blessings that I have been given and then also a little OVERWHELMED with all the responsibilities I have that come with those blessings.

This moment had really great timing, because I have been a little too focused on my job and work, and not focused enough on my home and family. Will I be able to spend more time at home? Probably not. But it is nice to have the reminder to make sure that I use the time I do have with my family in the best way possible.

I am really a lucky guy. I have so many blessings.

WOW.

Change of Metaphor

So remember my post about a light at the end of the tunnel? Well, I used the wrong metaphor.

What I should have said was this:

Imagine trying to tread water in the middle of the ocean. You find yourself bobbing up and down, sometimes buried in the water for a little bit, but every once in a while (hopefully), you get your head above water and take a breath before you go back under for a little while.

I have this project at work I've been working on for a very long time. Yeah, it's like that.

That's what I should have said.

Simpler Times

So I was in the kitchen at my work, and I went to throw something away and it brought back a couple of (ancient) memories. The kitchen at my work has granite countertops, and there is a square hole cut in it with a garbage can in the cupboard beneath.

It suddenly made me think of back when I was in elementary school. In the cafeteria, the kids would go through the line, get their food, and then eat. When we were done, we’d turn in our trays and head outside to play on the playground for lunch recess. I remember in my later elementary years, I got to help with lunchroom duty. It’s something that I would hate now, but that I absolutely loved back then. I would go to the lunchroom and take up a certain post. My favorite (which I now look back at and cringe) was the scraper. Basically, there was a window that everyone would slide their trays into (with food and garbage still on it) on their way out to the playground. I would be behind the window, grab the tray, and with a big rubber spatula thing, I would scrape the food and garbage into a hole in the stainless steel counter, underneath which were large garbage cans and send the trays on to be washed/sterilized. It was challenging enough to keep up with the flow of kids, but I remember the mean 6th grade bullies who would try to catch you off guard and slide their tray right into the hole and into the garbage can. They would (almost) never get past me!

I remember enjoying getting out of class for other assignments as well, such as office helper/runner. I would sit at a desk in the office for part of the day and run errands and/or help the office staff with anything like filing or whatever they needed. (Looking back, I wonder if I didn’t get that assignment just so my mom, working in the office, could keep a closer eye on me. I don’t remember very many kids who got that job.) I also enjoyed being on bathroom duty. I would sit by the bathrooms at recess and make sure that the playground aide had given the kids a bathroom pass before I would let them in. Another one I remember enjoying being a crossing guard. I even got to wear an official badge!

As I look back on those responsibilities I was entrusted with, I realize that I am grateful for opportunities throughout my life to sort of slowly grow into responsibility. I didn’t get it handed to me all at once, where one day, I wasn’t responsible for anything and the next I had tons of stuff to worry about, but it came gradually. It helps me remember that I have been prepared for the wonderful, crazy life I live now, and all the stuff I have to do. Speaking of stuff I have to do, I’d better get to it.

Mothers

So this is a blog about things that I'm thinking about, right? Well, as so often happens, I need someone or something to remind me what I should already be doing or thinking about. So of course, on Mother's Day, I spent a fair chunk of time thinking about Mothers.

Mothers, in general, are amazing. They grew up wanting to just have cute little babies and take care of them and nurture them and be proud of them. They get married, and want to start their family. They carry that baby for 9 months or so, giving up so much (being pregnant, from my observation, is no picnic), and then they go through the most beautiful, odd, painful process that I've ever seen (and I was just there with my meager contribution of a few encouraging words and a hand to hold). They then proceed to give up sleep, a hot meal (it's always cold by the time the kids have been served), personal time and space, and just about everything they know as "normal". Most of the time, they do it lovingly, with a smile on their face, and knowing that they will have to do it at least 364 more times in the next year. This sacrifice is only more poignant because they don't really get any awards, or very much recognition. It doesn't advance any career aspirations, and they don't get paid for it. There is one meager day on the calendar that reminds us that it is Mother's Day, and more often than not, at least in the case of my lameness, it sneaks up faster than I am prepared for.

So why do they do it? Well, sometimes all it takes is is a little smile, or somthing funny that one of the kids says, or without the kids knowing she's listening, she hears the kids playing nicely together. She sees her child do one nice thing for someone else (doesn't even have to be her), and her heart swells with pride. That kind of stuff gives her motivation. Sometimes, she gets down, and then her two-year-old wants nothing more than to "nuggle" with his mom. Even though she wishes that he would just want to "nuggle" with dad, or brother sometimes, she is also secretly very happy that he likes her best. Or maybe she is trying to get some work done, and her 5-year-old, without being prompted, wants to help. Sure, it'd be faster if she could just do it herself, but it makes her smile that he would rather spend time with her than play a video game, watch tv, or jump on the trampoline, even if it's only for 15-30 minutes. Or perhaps it is her 6-year-old daughter who tries to do "girly" things with mom because they are the only girls in the family, and they have to watch out for each other. Mom just loves it after spending a bunch of time "prettying her up", and then sees her daughter looking in the mirror, admiring how girly and pretty she looks. Or maybe it's the 8-year-old, who will hear the two-year-old being really upset (possibly because mom won't "nuggle" right at that moment because she's busy making dinner or something like that), and without being asked, takes time to try to not only distract the 2-year-old, but play with him and be silly with him until he's laughing his guts out. Just because he wants to help. And at this age, it really is help.

This stuff is the stuff that moms live for. It may come as a few moments here and there out of long periods of not-so-fun cleaning, teaching, helping, doing, washing, shopping, cooking, or planning. There may be long stretches of thanklessness, laziness, and procrastination (and that's just from the husband!) that she has to deal with in between these brief gems. But to mom, it's all worth it in the end.

Moms are amazing. I need to be more grateful and helpful to the mother of my children. She deserves it. And I'm sorry to my own mom that there weren't more "gems" from me for her to enjoy when I was a child. Ah well, the things we learn as we grow up, especially from our moms!

Love to all the mothers out there. Know that we (kids and dads) really do love and appreciate you every moment of every day, even if we suck at showing it.

Sorry

Just read through some old posts, and I've decided that I'm more of a BLAH-ger than I am a blogger. Sorry about that.

Just how I feel!

So I was looking through a book for a quote or story that related to my lesson about Christ today, and I ran across the author's preface. He talks about his wife, and it is just how I feel about mine (I've substituted Rhoda's name in there when applicable):

"...if we must compare individual statures, I think the following sketch represents the approximately correct proportions.

"When [Rhoda] approaches the pearly gates, the Lord may say to the angels something like this, 'Why, look everybody -- here comes [Rhoda Crabb]! [Rhoda's] finally here! Let's all go out to welcome her and bring her in.' But as he greets her on the steps, he will probably stop and add, '[Rhoda], what on earth is that sorry thing you're dragging behind you?' To which she will respond, 'Oh, that? That's my husband. Can I bring him in too?' Without her I haven't got a chance..."

Love you Rhoda!!!

Short-Changing My Kids...One Piece of Pinewood at a Time

I just got to wondering. This is a purely hypothetical situation, so I'm just curious. Let's just say that like 5 weeks ago, my cub scout comes home from pack meeting with a Pinewood Derby car kit. I think (hypothetically, of course) "Man, 5 weeks is a long time!" and do nothing about the car. About a week ago, we decide (again, it's all hypothetical) it's time to get working on it. Part of me wants to do it "right" (you know, let my son design the car, we cut it out of the wooden block, and then he does the rest: sanding, painting, adding decorations, etc), and yet the part of me that was raised the way I was says, "they have pre-cut cars at the store".

So I have a question. And remember, I'm still speaking hypothetically. If I were to, say, run my son to the store so he can pick out the pre-cut car, then show him quickly how to sand it (and then finish sanding it after he gives up two minutes later instead of insisting he continues to work on it) and then show him how to spray paint it (and then take over and finish most of the painting after he tries for a second, because I'm too worried that he'll get clumps or spray something (or even someone) that shouldn't be spray painted). I then add the purchased accessories (decals, spoiler, engine, and some other weights), after getting some input from him. Then I have him hammer one of the wheels in place, but the nail goes in a little crooked, so I pull it back out and fix it and then hammer in the rest of the nails. Keep in mind, all of this is finished at 10:30 pm the night before the race, and we were supposed to weigh the car in by 9 pm that night. So we take the "late weigh-in" option on the day of the race, just a couple of hours before it's supposed to start, and we still only get there with 2 minutes to spare. I'm not saying all this happened. Like I said, I'm just imagining this whole thing. I promise.

So, let's just say that hypothetical situation actually occurred (not that it did, of course. I'm just playing the "what-if" game). Do you think that I'm robbing my 8-year-old of the valuable cub scout experiences he deserves?

Like I said, it's all hypothetical. I know, I have a crazy (and somewhat detailed) imagination, right? But that's not how it went down. Really.

By the way, on a COMPLETELY unrelated note, have you ever noticed how the word hyPOTHETICal almost has the word PATHETIC in it? Just an observation.

Light at the End of a Looooong Tunnel...

So at my work, I've been working on a bunch of projects. Looking back on the last 18 months or so, I can honestly say that I'm really proud of a lot of things I've accomplished. There have been some major changes and updates that I have made, and some of the things I'm doing have had a positive effect on the whole company.

The reason I bring it up, is because about 18 months or so ago, I got asked to start working on a HUGE project. Now, when I say huge, I mean it is extremely involved and there have been tons of changes and revisions. At one point they said, "Oh, there's actually going to have to work two completely different ways, depending on what kind of user it is." Then they said, "Oh, both of those different processes are going to have to work completely differently depending on how they got there". (yeah, if you're counting, that means I have FOUR similar-but-not-the-same versions) Then they added extra stuff to it. Then they tried out a prototype and it worked great, according to what they originally told me, but it just wasn't going to do everything they needed it to do. So while I've been working on all those great things I mentioned earlier, this project has been "on my plate" as one of the higher priorities (obviously not the HIGHEST priority, but it is one of those things that we talk a lot about). If I had a dime for every time I heard the question "So, how's that project coming", asking about this particular project, man, I'd have a lot of dimes.

Anyway, so hopefully I've set up the situation for you well enough to understand why this thing has been on my mind a lot. Well, tomorrow, I am not just releasing it to our internal employees (who will probably yawn when I show them because they have seen it many times, used it, and added on to it), I'm releasing it to the world of users of our website. It's been a VVVEEEERRRRYYY LLLLOOOONNNNGGGG time coming.

Of course, with that being said, there is still a wish list about a mile long relating to add-ons or enhancements to this project (people can think of a lot of those in 18 months!), so I'm sure this is not the last I'll see of it, but the basic project is for all intents and purposes....DONE.

Sheesh.

One Man's Junk...

We've all heard the saying "One man's junk is another man's treasure". I think it's all about perspective. Perspective is something I've been thinking about lately.

I am a web programmer, and I get people asking me at work to do "small" tasks for them all the time. "It's just a small request", or "Just something really simple", they say. I think the funniest (and yet sometimes the most frustrating) part is that something that seems so simple on the surface can actually get quite complicated (and that's even before the "feature-creep" - the inevitable requests for add-ons that weren't in the original project description). On the other hand, sometimes things that seem really difficult or complicated are actually very easy. There have been loads of times that I find out that someone has been doing something the hard way because they assume that for me to create something to help them will be a huge task, when it's really a pretty simple thing.

It gets tough, though when people assume that something is simple, especially when that person knows a little about technology and programming. My boss is one of those. He will ask me to drop everything and throw together some "quick and easy" project for him, because he doesn't think it will take too much time. I remember one time he came to me just before lunch and explained a new project, which seemed kind of simple on the surface, but I knew was more complicated "under the hood". Not to mention the fact that it was something I'd never even tinkered with before, so I knew there would be a bit of a learning curve anyway. After talking about the specifics of the project a bit, he said, "So, do you think you could have a working version by this afternoon?" At first, I just looked at him, trying to figure out if he was joking. After a couple of seconds, I realized he wasn't. Because he thought it was a simple thing.

So after some experiences like that, I have learned that when someone comes to me with a "simple" task, it is best to be forthcoming with them about the difficulty of the task. They may not need a lesson in programming to understand all the detailed mechanics of it, but it's helpful to them to know what they are really asking for. When I first became a programmer, I didn't really know how to handle this kind of thing. I would just say "sure, I can do that" (while I'm thinking "and you want this done by...when?) and then do the best I could to get things done. Even though I'm not perfect at it, I'm learning to let people know up front some of the simpler and more challenging aspects of the project that I can see (because I think like a programmer).

Now, with all that being said, I realize that this translates to just about every aspect of life. To really make things work, you may not need to HAVE someone else's perspective, but you need to be able to try to SEE someone else's perspective to understand better where they are coming from. Simple assumptions often cause the biggest problems in relationships with others. So many misunderstandings and conflicts could be avoided if we just understood each other's perspective a little better. And guess what, that requires COMMUNICATION - something I'm working on.

One note, while I'm on the subject of communication. I'm pretty sure that the quote at the beginning of this post really describes my blog. My thoughts are my treasure (one of them, at least). To the rest of you, probably junk. And you know what? I'm ok with that.

Lucky

The main intent of this blog is to share the things that have weighed heavily on my mind. One of the reasons it's been a while since I posted anything is because I've been spending so much time working on some big work projects for both my jobs. Yep, that's right. It always hits at the same time. I figured most of you wouldn't be interested in the intricacies of writing queries or web programs, or even creating or consuming web services. (To those of you who would be interested in those things, I say "Get a life, you sicko!" Just kidding. I love that kind of stuff.) Anyway, that's been monopolizing a lot of my brain power over the last month or more.

However, among all of that, there has been an underlying thought that has stayed present in my mind much of the time. It's how lucky I am. I am so blessed. I have a beautiful, understanding wife. She has been very supportive of me and my endeavors. Not only that, but she manages our household very well. In fact, because of her, nobody has skipped a meal, had to wear dirty clothes out of the laundry hamper, or even had to pay late fees because the bills always get paid on time. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I'll be honest, that's saying something, because I've had a pretty good life so far. I love my sweetheart, and I think she deserves every compliment she gets, even if she doesn't feel that way.

Then there's my kids. Sure, they're kids, so they act like kids, but they are good kids. They make me proud. Last night, we were reading the scripture story of the sick woman who just touched the hem of Jesus' robe and was healed. Mily asked "How did Jesus know that woman was sick?". "Because He's awesome!", Josh replied. Man, it was funny, but it really made me happy inside to know that my kids feel that way. Cause Jesus IS awesome!

Speaking of the Savior, another blessing I am SO lucky to have is that I have my faith. Faith in Christ. Faith in His atonement. Faith in the plan that God has for all of us. I know He wants us to be happy, not just forever, but now. Right now. I am so lucky to know the Savior and His love for me.

Another way I'm lucky is that I have not one, but TWO jobs. One full time, and then some consulting on the side. I know people who have been out of a job for a while, or who have been really struggling to make ends meet because they couldn't find a job that would meet their needs. And I have two. It gets a little hard to balance everything sometimes, but in this economy, I'm not complaining about having enough for what my family needs.

I'm also lucky to have been raised by great parents. My mom and dad are people who are kind and talented. People you just want to be like. Not mean in any way to anyone. I learned a lot from my dad. He was a great example of sacrifice to me. Sometimes he worked two jobs. He worked a very physically demanding job, and I never once heard him complain about how hard it was to go to work. My mom has a great work ethic. If she tells someone she'll do something, she does it and she does it right.

I am lucky to live in the time we live in. I love having a computer and a cell phone. Things I would not have had if I didn't live in the time that I live in. So many modern conveniences. It's amazing. I am also lucky to live in the place that I live in. The US is really a great place to live. Sure, it has its ups and downs, but we are sure blessed in this country. And to be more local, I am lucky to live in Utah. It's a great place to live.

I could go on and on (trust me, I could), but I think you catch my drift. My life has been hectic, trying to juggle it all has been kind of a challenge, but through all this, it is easy to see that MY LIFE IS GREAT. I am SO lucky!

Oh, and I'm also lucky because I have a SUPER POWER!

Tough Decisions

OK, so today we were playing a game. You know that "game" when we were kids, "Bubble Gum", that you used to pick someone to be "it" in tag or something? Well, my kids think that it's a game all by itself. We have to set rules that you can't "wish" for more than 20 "pieces" of gum, or the kids will say they want 100.

We decided to add a little bit of extra "excitement" to the game. If you were the owner of the foot that got "out", you would be asked a random question and if you answered correctly, you would be able to keep your foot in the game. The problem is that when you look at the excited eyes of those kids, you can't just ask them a question like "What is the cubed root of 23639903". (287, just in case you were wondering) You have to ask them something that they're likely to get right, so they don't get upset.

So the game started to get a little long. One time I got picked, and my 8-year-old asked the question "How do you spell Abed-nego?" Just an interesting character from the old testament. Anyway, so I hear a couple of gasps and/or haha's from the other kids, thinking "Yeah, there's NO WAY dad will be able to spell that!" So just to prove them wrong, I rattled off "A-B-E-D-hyphen-N-E-G-O". Perfect, I think, sure that the kids would all be amazed. When Josh says "no, there's no hyphen!" OK, now my personality is one that almost immediately needs to verify my own accuracy, and normally, I'd look it up right away and show everyone and pretty much say "Hah, in your face! Dad's right! Just like always! You will NEVER trick me! Bwah hah hah!" Or somthing like that. This time, though, I thought "If I get out, then it's just that much closer to the end of the game." (Later, we dubbed it "the game that never ends".)

So I was in a quandary. Do I allow the humiliation of not being able to spell Abed-nego to try to finish the game faster, or do stroke the ego a little bit and prove that I'm right?

Anyone who knows me well, I'm sure is willing to bet a lot of money that I'd prove myself right. Well, before you get out your wallets and call your bookie, you ought to know that against all odds, I opted for finishing the game earlier. It was a fun, silly, game. And the kids had a great time. Other questions were things like "what's 1600 times 1600?" (that's a question that got mom out). Oh well. Good times.

We also played other games like Operation, Candy Land, and War (you know, with a deck of cards). Board games aren't my favorite, but I had a great time just doing stuff with my family. I've been feeling like I haven't been spending time with the kids lately (see my previous post), and so it was awesome. And it's great to have my fix for another crazy week!

CrAzY Schedule

OK, so I'm not complaining. Well, maybe a little bit. Not about what you might think, though.

So a couple of months ago, I was approached by an aquaintance who just happens to be the IT manager of a company, and they needed some help with some projects that just happen to be right up my alley, so I signed on as a consultant. The money's great, and it didn't seem like a huge commitment since the original agreement was about 10 hours per month, give or take, depending on the projects they have me help out on. So I did some math in my brain and thought, "that's only about 2.5 hours per week". So I figured I'd go in and work once or twice per week for 1-2 hours each time. Or something like that. However I did it, 10 hours per month didn't seem like much of a time commitment.

Toward the end of last month, they got me working on a project that has an upcoming deadline. It's kind of a big project (especially with the "fiasco" of trying to get information I need for the project, but I won't get into that right now). Having one big project to work on is better schedule-wise for me than having to be introduced to new little projects over time, because when it's something new, or if I have to work with someone on it, I have to be there more during business hours, which means I have to rearrange my normal, full-time job's schedule.

Anyway, so this project has gotten bigger than the original scope of the project, largely because of some bad data that I have to work with, but I have worked over 18 hours this month already! And it's only the 13th! Every day, I leave my regular job, head to this consulting gig, and try to get some work done.

Again, the money's good. Which is why I'm doing it. With it we are able to get ourselves into a more comfortable financial position.

But it seems like I've given up a heck of a lot of family time. I used to come home early on Wednesdays so my wife (a cub scout den mother) could do cub scouts unhindered by our other children. I've not been able to help out with that the last 2 weeks because I've had to work. A number of times, I've left at 7-7:30 in the morning and gotten home after 8 at night, just in time to go in to the kids' bedrooms to say goodnight. The other night, my wife had a meeting, so I went from my regular job, straight to this other place, got home in just enough time for her to leave to go to her meeting, and then after she got back, I went back there and was there until almost midnight.

So if you've been wondering why there are no new posts lately, that's why.

But anyway, I keep telling myself that "the money's good" and "it's only until we meet this upcoming deadline", but I worry that this is going to continue, because I'm aware of at least a couple of other things that are waiting for me after this. At my regular job, I have enough stuff to do to keep me busy for 6 months straight if nothing new was added to my project list. This consulting thing is already starting to look like that, and I'm only supposed to work 10 hours per month!

We'll see how it goes. I am wanting to prioritize my time a little better so I don't skip out on as much time with my family. I don't mind the number of hours I spend. I can handle that, especially with how I know it's helping my family. And while I wasn't gone this much when I was in the bishopric, I'm not gone as much as when I was doing full time work and full time school. And I have more to show for it at the end of the month.

I guess there's not much to do but plug away and try to keep this schedule thing under control. Wish Me Luck!

Seriously...Or Not

So this post is for the two or three readers of my blog. (I don't really know why I said that. Of course it is. Those are the only people who will see it!)

I have to apologize. I may have misrepresented myself when I first described my blog. In my very first post, I wrote:

I expect there will be L O N G and short posts, funny and serious posts

which would lead one to believe that I would try to balance evenly between all of those. So ideally, there would be some long & short funny posts, as well as long & short serious posts. In looking back at my blog, I have two kinds of posts: long serious posts and short funny posts, with a heavy emphasis on the long serious posts. If I'm being honest with myself, that balances pretty well with how my brain works, and that's what I'm trying to represent in this blog. But to be fair, I'm going to try to be a more equal-opportunity poster.

That being said, I don't have time to post anything in addition to this, but rest assured, it's coming. I promise! Don't give up on my blog yet. I'm just getting my fingertips wet. (You know, like getting your feet wet...but I'm typing, so...nevermind)

Quicksand

So I was listening to an article on my way to work the other day, and it used the phrase "opposing quicksands of boredom and excessive stress". That phrase really stuck out to me, so I got to thinking about it a little more, so I thought I'd share.

Why quicksand? I think we can all imagine quicksand. I have been most fortunate (as I'm sure many people have) to not have ever run across any, but I thought I'd explore that for a bit.

(DISCLAIMER: everything I know about quicksand is from movies or TV, so this portrayal may be completely inaccurate)

So let's look at some of the characteristics of quicksand (as I understand them) and how they apply to life:
First, it's disguised. At least from what I understand about quicksand, it looks relatively similar to the surrounding area. Both boredom and excessive stress can be disguised. We often don't recognize the effects or the symptoms. of them right away.

Second, from what I understand, it's kind of slow but strong. It's not like a pool of water where you immediately sink. You kind of find yourself getting sucked in slowly. Similarly, I think it's kind of rare to be 'suddenly' overly stressed or bored. Usually, stress builds, or boredom grows. The habits we create are strong, and they can lead to patterns of continued stress and boredom.

Next, the more you panic and try to get out, the more trouble you are in. Kinda like the old Chinese finger cuffs I had as a kid. I remember the old joke, "here, stick your fingers in here", and if you didn't understand how they worked, you'd be trying to escape all day. Sometimes, when we are stressed, we add to our stress by trying to eliminate it. Feelings of inadequacy and guilt can accompany the stress, making it worse. On the other hand, boredom can lead to boredom. At first you think "I don't have anything to do," and then you figure out something to fill up your time, but the more you do that thing, the less you want to do it, so you are even more bored!

Next, it's stronger than it appears, and eventually can kill you. If you get sucked in too deep, you won't be able to breath and will die. Lovely. Well, the influence of either stress or boredom can be very powerful.. It can lead you into self-destructive behaviors, and eventually kill you, even if only spiritually or emotionally. It is amazing what an influence these things can have on your ability to make good choices!

Finally, to get out, you need something strong and sturdy to grab on to. You always see in the movies that the person gets out of the quicksand by grabbing a rope or vine or even (in some silly cases) a snake. The point is, they had to have something they could grab on to. Something sturdy, with an anchor. In life, some of these things can be friends, values, goals, or many other things. When we are struggling, the most effective method of getting out, is grabbing someone's outstretched hand. We have to do our part, and hold on tight and pull, but there is always something (or someone) right there just waiting for us to grab on.

Food for thought: am I there to grab on to your friends and family when they struggle? Or do I just pass by on the other side, figuring that surely SOMEONE will go help?

Anyway, are we avoiding these quicksands? If we're already stuck, how do we get out? The answer is different for each of us.

Dang

I'm pretty sure I could have gotten a medal for that one.

Lessons from Mario and Luigi

So as I sat there for a few minutes while the kids played Super Mario Brothers Wii, I was thinking. Some people say that video games are just time-wasters, and have other negative things to say about them, such as the fact that they encourage violence and things like that. This post doesn’t diminish that fact at all; I’m sure there is some basis for truth in their arguments. However, I realized that there are lots of good things we can learn from this game in particular, so I thought I’d mention the thoughts that have come to me.

Trying new things
There are many ways that you can learn to try new things. First off, Mario and Luigi were just regular plumbers when they suddenly got stuck in a world where they had to save the princess from reptiles and other threats. If they had been unwilling to try something new (i.e., save the princess), who knows where the princess would be today. The other thing is that when you first start playing the game, you’ve never played those particular screens before, and you have NO IDEA what’s coming your way. The game just makes you keep trying out new skills and things throughout.

In life, if none of us are willing to try new things, we will not get very far. Starting a new career, relationship, or experience takes courage. It’s scary. We often have to walk into the darkness, trusting that the way will light up as we walk, before we can make any progress. We have to try new things, and no matter how scary or different they are, if we don’t, we will not make any progress, and we will ALWAYS do the same thing, day in and day out. That’s not really living.

Also, life has a way of forcing us to try new things. This often comes through major life events, some tragic and some wonderful. Often, we want complete control of our situations, and that’s just not possible. In addition, we often find that once we’ve experienced this new thing, it turns out to be one of the more valuable experiences we’ve had, when we look back.

Being Persistent
The next thing is being persistent. Video games can be frustrating sometimes, and sometimes you have to play a screen over and over (and over and over) before you make any progress. The game kind of makes you keep trying because you can’t make a lot of progress if you don’t finish certain screens. However, what you learn is that you gain more and more skill and eventually, you get to the point where you are capable of doing better and better as time goes on, and pretty soon, you look back and realize how far you’ve come.

In life, I think it is human tendency to just try something a little bit and then give up because it took too much effort, or because you don’t want to “fail” again, or because you didn’t want to look silly. People who achieve greatness rarely have achieved it on their first attempt. I think the greatness comes with persistency. Sometimes it is difficult to keep trying, especially in the face of rejection and disappointment. However, you also get out of things what you put into them. I think if we were super successful at everything we try on the first time, we wouldn’t appreciate it as much. It is the effort and energy that we put into something that makes us truly appreciate it and care for it.

Being a Team Player and Looking Out for Others
For anyone who hasn’t played this game, it is different in that multiple characters play at the same time. This has its pros and cons. Among the pros are that you can work together towards a common goal, you can save yourself from danger or difficult parts by “going into a bubble” (you have to have played to understand), and you can do some things you couldn’t do on your own (like you can bounce off of other players’ heads to reach things way up high). This all comes with a down side as well. You can hurt each other (like knocking someone down a hole, or getting in someone’s way, or kicking a turtle shell at them). You can also prevent them from doing well (getting all the power-ups, coins, etc. for yourself), or you can make them do all the hard stuff while you just hang back. You can even just ride around in the bubble without getting harmed.

This game has made the kids get really upset at each other more than any other game that our kids have played. Yelling and crying are common. However, I’ve had a number of teaching moments through this. The kids and I had a pretty good talk about how it’s a game and they are supposed to have fun with it. One particular evening, two kids were playing together and there was a lot of frustration with each other because they kept “making” each other die. I told them if they couldn’t actually have fun, we wouldn’t be playing that game together any more. Within a few minutes, I hear them laughing hysterically. When I asked what was so funny, they explained that they both died and they found the circumstances to just be funny. What changed? Well, I like to think they actually listened to what I had to say and were just trying to have a good time together.

Life is like that. I’ve often heard people complain about group projects in school. I used to complain about them as well. Every time I hear about them now, I just chuckle to myself, because what I have learned is that in the “real” world, we are too often placed in situations very similar to the group projects we did in school. If we can just learn to work together at an early age (even if it is in Mario), how much better are we going to be at handling those situations when we’re presented with them.

When I’m playing with the kids, I try to spend most of my focus on trying to make the other person be as successful as possible. I bounce them up out of a hole, or get them power-ups, or risk myself to destroy an enemy that’s coming after them. They all have much better experiences with the game. I think life is like that. If we would all focus on trying to make others successful, then we’d have just as many people trying to make us successful. I just think it’s a great philosophy.

You Have to Look to Find Things
Last thing I’ve been thinking about is that there are lots of hidden paths and treasures. I didn’t have to think really hard about this analogy. Can you finish the game without finding all the secret doors, coins, and other things? Sort of. However, as you learn to search and explore new things, you are rewarded.

In life, as we search out the hidden things, we will find treasures that we never imagined. This is especially true of spiritual truths. The knowledge that there is a loving Heavenly Father needs to be acquired through some effort and experience on our part. It isn’t automatic. When we reach out and stretch ourselves to do this, there are things that we learn that could only be learned that way.

DISCLAIMER
No, I’m not operating under the illusion that this is an educational game. Nor do I even think anyone plays it thinking “gee, what life lesson can I learn from this today?” I guess this is just an illustration that when we take a few minutes to try to learn, we can learn from anything. I find that very interesting.

P.S.
Oh, one last thing I’ve learned? It’s fun. And even after all of what I’ve said in this post, that will still be my primary motivation for playing.

Kudos to a Friend

I just want to tell the story of a friend of mine.

I have a good friend that I met a number of years ago. I actually worked with her, or at least worked in the same area. I saw that she was very good at staying busy and being responsible (something I was NOT very good at during that point in time). Over the years, it was obvious the company we had worked for recognized those qualities, because she was promoted and given lots of responsibilities. She continued to work hard for the company, and do her best to follow protocol and meet assigned tasks and train her employees. During this time, she was confident, independent, and successful.

A few years later, she got married, and then quit her job to be a full-time stay home mom. So she went from getting respect, adult interaction and self-esteem that came from the career success that she had experienced this far, to spending a lot of time at home alone with kids, changing diapers, and feeding babies, along with the many, many other things that stay-home moms are responsible for and usually don't get very much respect for.

As I’ve watched her, I’ve seen a bit of that confidence, independence and self-esteem that she had at her job fade over time. Her husband was never home, due to work and school. So she didn’t really have any help. He tried, and still does, but he doesn’t take a lot off of her plate (in my opinion, she could have done better at her choice of husbands, but that’s another story!).

It’s been a number of years since then, and I just have to say that over the years I’ve watched her grow and mature (not that she was immature before). She’s so giving and caring. Her 4 children are smart and well-behaved, all due to her. Her husband has learned a LITTLE bit about being more responsible. Each person in the household eats every meal because she goes shopping to buy the food and prepares it. Every person in the household has clean clothes to wear because she washes them. Every family member participates in and enjoys family home evening because she helps them with their assignments. The kids get to experience things the best way they can based on their family’s financial situation. She cares for others, and she is willing to sacrifice anything for herself if she can provide for another family member first. I know this because I’ve seen her do it.

She had a very deep desire to do things exactly right, which inspires and amazes me, and I think it is a great trait to want to do everything exactly the way it should be done.

Sometimes, though, this same trait (something that some people call being a ‘perfectionist’) can be damaging as well. She feels as if some things are beyond her grasp because she can’t be perfect at it. She feels like she is the only one, or at least one of the few people, who can’t be perfect at certain things. She feels like she is either GREAT at something, or TERRIBLE at something, with no room for “OK” or “pretty good”. Over and over I have seen her discount the amazing things she has done or incredible effort she's put into something because it wasn’t perfect. She often responds to a compliment with a self-criticism. She feels like she can’t measure up because she sees people do specific things REALLY well, and she admires those people so much and all she sees is a HUGE gap between where they are (where she’d like to be), and where she is. What she doesn’t recognize, at least doesn’t appear to recognize, is that she is admired by many and a great example to others as well.


So now we come to the whole purpose of this blog post.

My hope and wish for her is that she will recognize her value in her position as a wife and mother, as a caretaker, and as a friend.

I want to tell my wife, my friend, that she is simply amazing. I want her to know what everyone else already knows. She accomplishes more on her “unproductive” days than I do on some of my most “productive” days. It is because of her that our household and family are as great as they are.

Rhoda, I’m so glad you were willing to marry me. You are my valentine, forever. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and you are a beautiful, wonderful, amazing person. I try to tell you “I love you” all the time. I hope that doesn’t diminish the impact of those words. It certainly doesn’t for me. I love you and always will!