Do It Right the First Time

Sweeping the floor.  It's a pretty straight-forward task, in my opinion.  You either get the stuff off the floor or you don't. Pretty clear cut.

One of my kids (I've been learning a lot from my kids these days) hates (I mean, REALLY HATES) sweeping the floor.  I don't blame them, it's not my favorite task, either.  Their turn to sweep the floor came up today, and as they started, I noticed a little carelessness in the first few broom-strokes.  I saw a few things get missed.  Big things that shouldn't get missed (a napkin and a flip-flop!). I took a moment to put aside my "requirement" that these things should be obvious (see previous post, Requirements of the World), and I calmly, supportively explained that if you spend a little extra time and care the first time you do this (and any other) task, you only have to do it once, and that is way better than having to do this chore that you loathe more than once.  I did not immediately inspect it, but I walked through the kitchen a while later and stepped on some stuff that should have been easily caught in a thorough sweeping.  (Even in a not so thorough sweeping, but I digress.) So I called this child back into the kitchen to redo the work.

As I reflected on how it would have been so much easier on them if they had done the task right the first time, I thought about how often I find myself in the same boat.  There are things like this in all aspects of my life.  Things that I don't give proper attention to, or I don't devote enough time to.  I end up having to redo them at a less convenient time, or in a more rigid schedule (due to procrastination, for example). It's just harder when you do it this way.

No, there isn't a specific instance in my life that is currently making me think about this, but it happens all the time.  I really should do a better job at doing things right the first time.  Maybe then I could really pass that wisdom on through my example to my kids, rather than telling them one thing and then doing something different.

I think it was Joseph Fielding Smith that said "Do it! Do it right! Do it right now!"  Good words to live by.

One day I'll get it.

Requirements of the World

My work is currently putting each of its employees through a training course that talks about how to deal with stress.  Sounds thrilling, right?

This is a little different than what I was expecting when I first heard about it, and I've actually learned a thing or two.  The main thing they try to drill into you with this training is that your brain has essentially 2 levels of functioning.  One is sort of the natural functioning, and the other, they call the "Identity System" or "I-System".  You are either in one or the other.  When your I-System is active, the idea is that your mind sort of disconnects from your body, which causes you body tension.  In the midst of this, the mind starts to spin, ultimately preventing you from putting your main focus on what it should be on.

One thing that I really like about this training is that external stress does not equal inner distress.  No matter what is happening around you, hopefully you learn the tools to keep internal distress to a minimum regardless of the external situations you find yourself in.

All that aside, they talk about one thing that activates your I-System is what they have termed "requirements".  In this context, a requirement is one of those things that your mind thinks should happen in your world.  For example, if you find yourself driving down the road, and you're late for work, you get really frustrated when every light turns red, or another driver is driving "irrationally" slow.  In other words, your requirement of the world is that traffic should move out of your way and you should only hit green lights, especially when you are running late.

Sometimes, requirements can be good, and even important things.  For example, I have a requirement that my kids don't run out in the street in front of cars.  Rhoda and I have put this rule in place to keep our children safe.  However, as much as I teach my kids these kinds of rules, it is ultimately up to them to follow them.  Another good example of this is that I have a requirement that Josh (my oldest) doesn't eat any peanuts, because he is allergic and could die.  But again, ultimately, I only have so much control over that.  It is still his decision.

So as I have worked with my kids over the last little while, I have realized that I have these requirements of my kids. I require that they do what I ask of them.  I require that they treat each other nicely.  I require that they treat our family's "stuff" with respect so it can stay in good shape for a long time.  The list goes on and on.

The thing is, I get really angry when they break these requirements.  Like, more than I should.  Out of willful disobedience, or laziness, or even the more benign forgetfulness, they will always make their own choices.

Interestingly, I think this correlates very strongly to why we are here on earth in the first place.  We are able to make our own choices and see if we will make good ones.  

I can tell you that even though I kind of understand this idea more, my reactions haven't changed much.  I yelled at one of my kids for throwing a Wii remote on the tile floor yesterday, especially since they did it out of frustration and was throwing a fit.  Once I took a step back, I could see they didn't intentionally throw it on the tile floor.  They were just trying to un-tether it from their wrist and drop it, but it got caught and flung up in the air and landed on the tile.  I was thinking about it it and realizing that at the moment it happened, I could see the look on their face, that they were just as surprised that it happened as I was upset.  I justify my yelling or frustration by saying things like "we can't ever have nice things because the kids will just ruin them" or stuff like that.

So I'm working on it.  I'm trying to be a little more aware of these requirements and what I can do to "diffuse" them so that they don't cause such a negative reaction in me when it doesn't happen.  I'm sure it'll be a long time before I get it all figured out.