OK, so today we were playing a game. You know that "game" when we were kids, "Bubble Gum", that you used to pick someone to be "it" in tag or something? Well, my kids think that it's a game all by itself. We have to set rules that you can't "wish" for more than 20 "pieces" of gum, or the kids will say they want 100.
We decided to add a little bit of extra "excitement" to the game. If you were the owner of the foot that got "out", you would be asked a random question and if you answered correctly, you would be able to keep your foot in the game. The problem is that when you look at the excited eyes of those kids, you can't just ask them a question like "What is the cubed root of 23639903". (287, just in case you were wondering) You have to ask them something that they're likely to get right, so they don't get upset.
So the game started to get a little long. One time I got picked, and my 8-year-old asked the question "How do you spell Abed-nego?" Just an interesting character from the old testament. Anyway, so I hear a couple of gasps and/or haha's from the other kids, thinking "Yeah, there's NO WAY dad will be able to spell that!" So just to prove them wrong, I rattled off "A-B-E-D-hyphen-N-E-G-O". Perfect, I think, sure that the kids would all be amazed. When Josh says "no, there's no hyphen!" OK, now my personality is one that almost immediately needs to verify my own accuracy, and normally, I'd look it up right away and show everyone and pretty much say "Hah, in your face! Dad's right! Just like always! You will NEVER trick me! Bwah hah hah!" Or somthing like that. This time, though, I thought "If I get out, then it's just that much closer to the end of the game." (Later, we dubbed it "the game that never ends".)
So I was in a quandary. Do I allow the humiliation of not being able to spell Abed-nego to try to finish the game faster, or do stroke the ego a little bit and prove that I'm right?
Anyone who knows me well, I'm sure is willing to bet a lot of money that I'd prove myself right. Well, before you get out your wallets and call your bookie, you ought to know that against all odds, I opted for finishing the game earlier. It was a fun, silly, game. And the kids had a great time. Other questions were things like "what's 1600 times 1600?" (that's a question that got mom out). Oh well. Good times.
We also played other games like Operation, Candy Land, and War (you know, with a deck of cards). Board games aren't my favorite, but I had a great time just doing stuff with my family. I've been feeling like I haven't been spending time with the kids lately (see my previous post), and so it was awesome. And it's great to have my fix for another crazy week!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
CrAzY Schedule
OK, so I'm not complaining. Well, maybe a little bit. Not about what you might think, though.
So a couple of months ago, I was approached by an aquaintance who just happens to be the IT manager of a company, and they needed some help with some projects that just happen to be right up my alley, so I signed on as a consultant. The money's great, and it didn't seem like a huge commitment since the original agreement was about 10 hours per month, give or take, depending on the projects they have me help out on. So I did some math in my brain and thought, "that's only about 2.5 hours per week". So I figured I'd go in and work once or twice per week for 1-2 hours each time. Or something like that. However I did it, 10 hours per month didn't seem like much of a time commitment.
Toward the end of last month, they got me working on a project that has an upcoming deadline. It's kind of a big project (especially with the "fiasco" of trying to get information I need for the project, but I won't get into that right now). Having one big project to work on is better schedule-wise for me than having to be introduced to new little projects over time, because when it's something new, or if I have to work with someone on it, I have to be there more during business hours, which means I have to rearrange my normal, full-time job's schedule.
Anyway, so this project has gotten bigger than the original scope of the project, largely because of some bad data that I have to work with, but I have worked over 18 hours this month already! And it's only the 13th! Every day, I leave my regular job, head to this consulting gig, and try to get some work done.
Again, the money's good. Which is why I'm doing it. With it we are able to get ourselves into a more comfortable financial position.
But it seems like I've given up a heck of a lot of family time. I used to come home early on Wednesdays so my wife (a cub scout den mother) could do cub scouts unhindered by our other children. I've not been able to help out with that the last 2 weeks because I've had to work. A number of times, I've left at 7-7:30 in the morning and gotten home after 8 at night, just in time to go in to the kids' bedrooms to say goodnight. The other night, my wife had a meeting, so I went from my regular job, straight to this other place, got home in just enough time for her to leave to go to her meeting, and then after she got back, I went back there and was there until almost midnight.
So if you've been wondering why there are no new posts lately, that's why.
But anyway, I keep telling myself that "the money's good" and "it's only until we meet this upcoming deadline", but I worry that this is going to continue, because I'm aware of at least a couple of other things that are waiting for me after this. At my regular job, I have enough stuff to do to keep me busy for 6 months straight if nothing new was added to my project list. This consulting thing is already starting to look like that, and I'm only supposed to work 10 hours per month!
We'll see how it goes. I am wanting to prioritize my time a little better so I don't skip out on as much time with my family. I don't mind the number of hours I spend. I can handle that, especially with how I know it's helping my family. And while I wasn't gone this much when I was in the bishopric, I'm not gone as much as when I was doing full time work and full time school. And I have more to show for it at the end of the month.
I guess there's not much to do but plug away and try to keep this schedule thing under control. Wish Me Luck!
So a couple of months ago, I was approached by an aquaintance who just happens to be the IT manager of a company, and they needed some help with some projects that just happen to be right up my alley, so I signed on as a consultant. The money's great, and it didn't seem like a huge commitment since the original agreement was about 10 hours per month, give or take, depending on the projects they have me help out on. So I did some math in my brain and thought, "that's only about 2.5 hours per week". So I figured I'd go in and work once or twice per week for 1-2 hours each time. Or something like that. However I did it, 10 hours per month didn't seem like much of a time commitment.
Toward the end of last month, they got me working on a project that has an upcoming deadline. It's kind of a big project (especially with the "fiasco" of trying to get information I need for the project, but I won't get into that right now). Having one big project to work on is better schedule-wise for me than having to be introduced to new little projects over time, because when it's something new, or if I have to work with someone on it, I have to be there more during business hours, which means I have to rearrange my normal, full-time job's schedule.
Anyway, so this project has gotten bigger than the original scope of the project, largely because of some bad data that I have to work with, but I have worked over 18 hours this month already! And it's only the 13th! Every day, I leave my regular job, head to this consulting gig, and try to get some work done.
Again, the money's good. Which is why I'm doing it. With it we are able to get ourselves into a more comfortable financial position.
But it seems like I've given up a heck of a lot of family time. I used to come home early on Wednesdays so my wife (a cub scout den mother) could do cub scouts unhindered by our other children. I've not been able to help out with that the last 2 weeks because I've had to work. A number of times, I've left at 7-7:30 in the morning and gotten home after 8 at night, just in time to go in to the kids' bedrooms to say goodnight. The other night, my wife had a meeting, so I went from my regular job, straight to this other place, got home in just enough time for her to leave to go to her meeting, and then after she got back, I went back there and was there until almost midnight.
So if you've been wondering why there are no new posts lately, that's why.
But anyway, I keep telling myself that "the money's good" and "it's only until we meet this upcoming deadline", but I worry that this is going to continue, because I'm aware of at least a couple of other things that are waiting for me after this. At my regular job, I have enough stuff to do to keep me busy for 6 months straight if nothing new was added to my project list. This consulting thing is already starting to look like that, and I'm only supposed to work 10 hours per month!
We'll see how it goes. I am wanting to prioritize my time a little better so I don't skip out on as much time with my family. I don't mind the number of hours I spend. I can handle that, especially with how I know it's helping my family. And while I wasn't gone this much when I was in the bishopric, I'm not gone as much as when I was doing full time work and full time school. And I have more to show for it at the end of the month.
I guess there's not much to do but plug away and try to keep this schedule thing under control. Wish Me Luck!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Seriously...Or Not
So this post is for the two or three readers of my blog. (I don't really know why I said that. Of course it is. Those are the only people who will see it!)
I have to apologize. I may have misrepresented myself when I first described my blog. In my very first post, I wrote:
which would lead one to believe that I would try to balance evenly between all of those. So ideally, there would be some long & short funny posts, as well as long & short serious posts. In looking back at my blog, I have two kinds of posts: long serious posts and short funny posts, with a heavy emphasis on the long serious posts. If I'm being honest with myself, that balances pretty well with how my brain works, and that's what I'm trying to represent in this blog. But to be fair, I'm going to try to be a more equal-opportunity poster.
That being said, I don't have time to post anything in addition to this, but rest assured, it's coming. I promise! Don't give up on my blog yet. I'm just getting my fingertips wet. (You know, like getting your feet wet...but I'm typing, so...nevermind)
I have to apologize. I may have misrepresented myself when I first described my blog. In my very first post, I wrote:
I expect there will be L O N G and short posts, funny and serious posts
which would lead one to believe that I would try to balance evenly between all of those. So ideally, there would be some long & short funny posts, as well as long & short serious posts. In looking back at my blog, I have two kinds of posts: long serious posts and short funny posts, with a heavy emphasis on the long serious posts. If I'm being honest with myself, that balances pretty well with how my brain works, and that's what I'm trying to represent in this blog. But to be fair, I'm going to try to be a more equal-opportunity poster.
That being said, I don't have time to post anything in addition to this, but rest assured, it's coming. I promise! Don't give up on my blog yet. I'm just getting my fingertips wet. (You know, like getting your feet wet...but I'm typing, so...nevermind)
Monday, February 22, 2010
Quicksand
So I was listening to an article on my way to work the other day, and it used the phrase "opposing quicksands of boredom and excessive stress". That phrase really stuck out to me, so I got to thinking about it a little more, so I thought I'd share.
Why quicksand? I think we can all imagine quicksand. I have been most fortunate (as I'm sure many people have) to not have ever run across any, but I thought I'd explore that for a bit.
(DISCLAIMER: everything I know about quicksand is from movies or TV, so this portrayal may be completely inaccurate)
So let's look at some of the characteristics of quicksand (as I understand them) and how they apply to life:
First, it's disguised. At least from what I understand about quicksand, it looks relatively similar to the surrounding area. Both boredom and excessive stress can be disguised. We often don't recognize the effects or the symptoms. of them right away.
Second, from what I understand, it's kind of slow but strong. It's not like a pool of water where you immediately sink. You kind of find yourself getting sucked in slowly. Similarly, I think it's kind of rare to be 'suddenly' overly stressed or bored. Usually, stress builds, or boredom grows. The habits we create are strong, and they can lead to patterns of continued stress and boredom.
Next, the more you panic and try to get out, the more trouble you are in. Kinda like the old Chinese finger cuffs I had as a kid. I remember the old joke, "here, stick your fingers in here", and if you didn't understand how they worked, you'd be trying to escape all day. Sometimes, when we are stressed, we add to our stress by trying to eliminate it. Feelings of inadequacy and guilt can accompany the stress, making it worse. On the other hand, boredom can lead to boredom. At first you think "I don't have anything to do," and then you figure out something to fill up your time, but the more you do that thing, the less you want to do it, so you are even more bored!
Next, it's stronger than it appears, and eventually can kill you. If you get sucked in too deep, you won't be able to breath and will die. Lovely. Well, the influence of either stress or boredom can be very powerful.. It can lead you into self-destructive behaviors, and eventually kill you, even if only spiritually or emotionally. It is amazing what an influence these things can have on your ability to make good choices!
Finally, to get out, you need something strong and sturdy to grab on to. You always see in the movies that the person gets out of the quicksand by grabbing a rope or vine or even (in some silly cases) a snake. The point is, they had to have something they could grab on to. Something sturdy, with an anchor. In life, some of these things can be friends, values, goals, or many other things. When we are struggling, the most effective method of getting out, is grabbing someone's outstretched hand. We have to do our part, and hold on tight and pull, but there is always something (or someone) right there just waiting for us to grab on.
Food for thought: am I there to grab on to your friends and family when they struggle? Or do I just pass by on the other side, figuring that surely SOMEONE will go help?
Anyway, are we avoiding these quicksands? If we're already stuck, how do we get out? The answer is different for each of us.
Why quicksand? I think we can all imagine quicksand. I have been most fortunate (as I'm sure many people have) to not have ever run across any, but I thought I'd explore that for a bit.
(DISCLAIMER: everything I know about quicksand is from movies or TV, so this portrayal may be completely inaccurate)
So let's look at some of the characteristics of quicksand (as I understand them) and how they apply to life:
First, it's disguised. At least from what I understand about quicksand, it looks relatively similar to the surrounding area. Both boredom and excessive stress can be disguised. We often don't recognize the effects or the symptoms. of them right away.
Second, from what I understand, it's kind of slow but strong. It's not like a pool of water where you immediately sink. You kind of find yourself getting sucked in slowly. Similarly, I think it's kind of rare to be 'suddenly' overly stressed or bored. Usually, stress builds, or boredom grows. The habits we create are strong, and they can lead to patterns of continued stress and boredom.
Next, the more you panic and try to get out, the more trouble you are in. Kinda like the old Chinese finger cuffs I had as a kid. I remember the old joke, "here, stick your fingers in here", and if you didn't understand how they worked, you'd be trying to escape all day. Sometimes, when we are stressed, we add to our stress by trying to eliminate it. Feelings of inadequacy and guilt can accompany the stress, making it worse. On the other hand, boredom can lead to boredom. At first you think "I don't have anything to do," and then you figure out something to fill up your time, but the more you do that thing, the less you want to do it, so you are even more bored!
Next, it's stronger than it appears, and eventually can kill you. If you get sucked in too deep, you won't be able to breath and will die. Lovely. Well, the influence of either stress or boredom can be very powerful.. It can lead you into self-destructive behaviors, and eventually kill you, even if only spiritually or emotionally. It is amazing what an influence these things can have on your ability to make good choices!
Finally, to get out, you need something strong and sturdy to grab on to. You always see in the movies that the person gets out of the quicksand by grabbing a rope or vine or even (in some silly cases) a snake. The point is, they had to have something they could grab on to. Something sturdy, with an anchor. In life, some of these things can be friends, values, goals, or many other things. When we are struggling, the most effective method of getting out, is grabbing someone's outstretched hand. We have to do our part, and hold on tight and pull, but there is always something (or someone) right there just waiting for us to grab on.
Food for thought: am I there to grab on to your friends and family when they struggle? Or do I just pass by on the other side, figuring that surely SOMEONE will go help?
Anyway, are we avoiding these quicksands? If we're already stuck, how do we get out? The answer is different for each of us.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Lessons from Mario and Luigi
So as I sat there for a few minutes while the kids played Super Mario Brothers Wii, I was thinking. Some people say that video games are just time-wasters, and have other negative things to say about them, such as the fact that they encourage violence and things like that. This post doesn’t diminish that fact at all; I’m sure there is some basis for truth in their arguments. However, I realized that there are lots of good things we can learn from this game in particular, so I thought I’d mention the thoughts that have come to me.
Trying new things
There are many ways that you can learn to try new things. First off, Mario and Luigi were just regular plumbers when they suddenly got stuck in a world where they had to save the princess from reptiles and other threats. If they had been unwilling to try something new (i.e., save the princess), who knows where the princess would be today. The other thing is that when you first start playing the game, you’ve never played those particular screens before, and you have NO IDEA what’s coming your way. The game just makes you keep trying out new skills and things throughout.
In life, if none of us are willing to try new things, we will not get very far. Starting a new career, relationship, or experience takes courage. It’s scary. We often have to walk into the darkness, trusting that the way will light up as we walk, before we can make any progress. We have to try new things, and no matter how scary or different they are, if we don’t, we will not make any progress, and we will ALWAYS do the same thing, day in and day out. That’s not really living.
Also, life has a way of forcing us to try new things. This often comes through major life events, some tragic and some wonderful. Often, we want complete control of our situations, and that’s just not possible. In addition, we often find that once we’ve experienced this new thing, it turns out to be one of the more valuable experiences we’ve had, when we look back.
Being Persistent
The next thing is being persistent. Video games can be frustrating sometimes, and sometimes you have to play a screen over and over (and over and over) before you make any progress. The game kind of makes you keep trying because you can’t make a lot of progress if you don’t finish certain screens. However, what you learn is that you gain more and more skill and eventually, you get to the point where you are capable of doing better and better as time goes on, and pretty soon, you look back and realize how far you’ve come.
In life, I think it is human tendency to just try something a little bit and then give up because it took too much effort, or because you don’t want to “fail” again, or because you didn’t want to look silly. People who achieve greatness rarely have achieved it on their first attempt. I think the greatness comes with persistency. Sometimes it is difficult to keep trying, especially in the face of rejection and disappointment. However, you also get out of things what you put into them. I think if we were super successful at everything we try on the first time, we wouldn’t appreciate it as much. It is the effort and energy that we put into something that makes us truly appreciate it and care for it.
Being a Team Player and Looking Out for Others
For anyone who hasn’t played this game, it is different in that multiple characters play at the same time. This has its pros and cons. Among the pros are that you can work together towards a common goal, you can save yourself from danger or difficult parts by “going into a bubble” (you have to have played to understand), and you can do some things you couldn’t do on your own (like you can bounce off of other players’ heads to reach things way up high). This all comes with a down side as well. You can hurt each other (like knocking someone down a hole, or getting in someone’s way, or kicking a turtle shell at them). You can also prevent them from doing well (getting all the power-ups, coins, etc. for yourself), or you can make them do all the hard stuff while you just hang back. You can even just ride around in the bubble without getting harmed.
This game has made the kids get really upset at each other more than any other game that our kids have played. Yelling and crying are common. However, I’ve had a number of teaching moments through this. The kids and I had a pretty good talk about how it’s a game and they are supposed to have fun with it. One particular evening, two kids were playing together and there was a lot of frustration with each other because they kept “making” each other die. I told them if they couldn’t actually have fun, we wouldn’t be playing that game together any more. Within a few minutes, I hear them laughing hysterically. When I asked what was so funny, they explained that they both died and they found the circumstances to just be funny. What changed? Well, I like to think they actually listened to what I had to say and were just trying to have a good time together.
Life is like that. I’ve often heard people complain about group projects in school. I used to complain about them as well. Every time I hear about them now, I just chuckle to myself, because what I have learned is that in the “real” world, we are too often placed in situations very similar to the group projects we did in school. If we can just learn to work together at an early age (even if it is in Mario), how much better are we going to be at handling those situations when we’re presented with them.
When I’m playing with the kids, I try to spend most of my focus on trying to make the other person be as successful as possible. I bounce them up out of a hole, or get them power-ups, or risk myself to destroy an enemy that’s coming after them. They all have much better experiences with the game. I think life is like that. If we would all focus on trying to make others successful, then we’d have just as many people trying to make us successful. I just think it’s a great philosophy.
You Have to Look to Find Things
Last thing I’ve been thinking about is that there are lots of hidden paths and treasures. I didn’t have to think really hard about this analogy. Can you finish the game without finding all the secret doors, coins, and other things? Sort of. However, as you learn to search and explore new things, you are rewarded.
In life, as we search out the hidden things, we will find treasures that we never imagined. This is especially true of spiritual truths. The knowledge that there is a loving Heavenly Father needs to be acquired through some effort and experience on our part. It isn’t automatic. When we reach out and stretch ourselves to do this, there are things that we learn that could only be learned that way.
DISCLAIMER
No, I’m not operating under the illusion that this is an educational game. Nor do I even think anyone plays it thinking “gee, what life lesson can I learn from this today?” I guess this is just an illustration that when we take a few minutes to try to learn, we can learn from anything. I find that very interesting.
P.S.
Oh, one last thing I’ve learned? It’s fun. And even after all of what I’ve said in this post, that will still be my primary motivation for playing.
Trying new things
There are many ways that you can learn to try new things. First off, Mario and Luigi were just regular plumbers when they suddenly got stuck in a world where they had to save the princess from reptiles and other threats. If they had been unwilling to try something new (i.e., save the princess), who knows where the princess would be today. The other thing is that when you first start playing the game, you’ve never played those particular screens before, and you have NO IDEA what’s coming your way. The game just makes you keep trying out new skills and things throughout.
In life, if none of us are willing to try new things, we will not get very far. Starting a new career, relationship, or experience takes courage. It’s scary. We often have to walk into the darkness, trusting that the way will light up as we walk, before we can make any progress. We have to try new things, and no matter how scary or different they are, if we don’t, we will not make any progress, and we will ALWAYS do the same thing, day in and day out. That’s not really living.
Also, life has a way of forcing us to try new things. This often comes through major life events, some tragic and some wonderful. Often, we want complete control of our situations, and that’s just not possible. In addition, we often find that once we’ve experienced this new thing, it turns out to be one of the more valuable experiences we’ve had, when we look back.
Being Persistent
The next thing is being persistent. Video games can be frustrating sometimes, and sometimes you have to play a screen over and over (and over and over) before you make any progress. The game kind of makes you keep trying because you can’t make a lot of progress if you don’t finish certain screens. However, what you learn is that you gain more and more skill and eventually, you get to the point where you are capable of doing better and better as time goes on, and pretty soon, you look back and realize how far you’ve come.
In life, I think it is human tendency to just try something a little bit and then give up because it took too much effort, or because you don’t want to “fail” again, or because you didn’t want to look silly. People who achieve greatness rarely have achieved it on their first attempt. I think the greatness comes with persistency. Sometimes it is difficult to keep trying, especially in the face of rejection and disappointment. However, you also get out of things what you put into them. I think if we were super successful at everything we try on the first time, we wouldn’t appreciate it as much. It is the effort and energy that we put into something that makes us truly appreciate it and care for it.
Being a Team Player and Looking Out for Others
For anyone who hasn’t played this game, it is different in that multiple characters play at the same time. This has its pros and cons. Among the pros are that you can work together towards a common goal, you can save yourself from danger or difficult parts by “going into a bubble” (you have to have played to understand), and you can do some things you couldn’t do on your own (like you can bounce off of other players’ heads to reach things way up high). This all comes with a down side as well. You can hurt each other (like knocking someone down a hole, or getting in someone’s way, or kicking a turtle shell at them). You can also prevent them from doing well (getting all the power-ups, coins, etc. for yourself), or you can make them do all the hard stuff while you just hang back. You can even just ride around in the bubble without getting harmed.
This game has made the kids get really upset at each other more than any other game that our kids have played. Yelling and crying are common. However, I’ve had a number of teaching moments through this. The kids and I had a pretty good talk about how it’s a game and they are supposed to have fun with it. One particular evening, two kids were playing together and there was a lot of frustration with each other because they kept “making” each other die. I told them if they couldn’t actually have fun, we wouldn’t be playing that game together any more. Within a few minutes, I hear them laughing hysterically. When I asked what was so funny, they explained that they both died and they found the circumstances to just be funny. What changed? Well, I like to think they actually listened to what I had to say and were just trying to have a good time together.
Life is like that. I’ve often heard people complain about group projects in school. I used to complain about them as well. Every time I hear about them now, I just chuckle to myself, because what I have learned is that in the “real” world, we are too often placed in situations very similar to the group projects we did in school. If we can just learn to work together at an early age (even if it is in Mario), how much better are we going to be at handling those situations when we’re presented with them.
When I’m playing with the kids, I try to spend most of my focus on trying to make the other person be as successful as possible. I bounce them up out of a hole, or get them power-ups, or risk myself to destroy an enemy that’s coming after them. They all have much better experiences with the game. I think life is like that. If we would all focus on trying to make others successful, then we’d have just as many people trying to make us successful. I just think it’s a great philosophy.
You Have to Look to Find Things
Last thing I’ve been thinking about is that there are lots of hidden paths and treasures. I didn’t have to think really hard about this analogy. Can you finish the game without finding all the secret doors, coins, and other things? Sort of. However, as you learn to search and explore new things, you are rewarded.
In life, as we search out the hidden things, we will find treasures that we never imagined. This is especially true of spiritual truths. The knowledge that there is a loving Heavenly Father needs to be acquired through some effort and experience on our part. It isn’t automatic. When we reach out and stretch ourselves to do this, there are things that we learn that could only be learned that way.
DISCLAIMER
No, I’m not operating under the illusion that this is an educational game. Nor do I even think anyone plays it thinking “gee, what life lesson can I learn from this today?” I guess this is just an illustration that when we take a few minutes to try to learn, we can learn from anything. I find that very interesting.
P.S.
Oh, one last thing I’ve learned? It’s fun. And even after all of what I’ve said in this post, that will still be my primary motivation for playing.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Kudos to a Friend
I just want to tell the story of a friend of mine.
I have a good friend that I met a number of years ago. I actually worked with her, or at least worked in the same area. I saw that she was very good at staying busy and being responsible (something I was NOT very good at during that point in time). Over the years, it was obvious the company we had worked for recognized those qualities, because she was promoted and given lots of responsibilities. She continued to work hard for the company, and do her best to follow protocol and meet assigned tasks and train her employees. During this time, she was confident, independent, and successful.
A few years later, she got married, and then quit her job to be a full-time stay home mom. So she went from getting respect, adult interaction and self-esteem that came from the career success that she had experienced this far, to spending a lot of time at home alone with kids, changing diapers, and feeding babies, along with the many, many other things that stay-home moms are responsible for and usually don't get very much respect for.
As I’ve watched her, I’ve seen a bit of that confidence, independence and self-esteem that she had at her job fade over time. Her husband was never home, due to work and school. So she didn’t really have any help. He tried, and still does, but he doesn’t take a lot off of her plate (in my opinion, she could have done better at her choice of husbands, but that’s another story!).
It’s been a number of years since then, and I just have to say that over the years I’ve watched her grow and mature (not that she was immature before). She’s so giving and caring. Her 4 children are smart and well-behaved, all due to her. Her husband has learned a LITTLE bit about being more responsible. Each person in the household eats every meal because she goes shopping to buy the food and prepares it. Every person in the household has clean clothes to wear because she washes them. Every family member participates in and enjoys family home evening because she helps them with their assignments. The kids get to experience things the best way they can based on their family’s financial situation. She cares for others, and she is willing to sacrifice anything for herself if she can provide for another family member first. I know this because I’ve seen her do it.
She had a very deep desire to do things exactly right, which inspires and amazes me, and I think it is a great trait to want to do everything exactly the way it should be done.
Sometimes, though, this same trait (something that some people call being a ‘perfectionist’) can be damaging as well. She feels as if some things are beyond her grasp because she can’t be perfect at it. She feels like she is the only one, or at least one of the few people, who can’t be perfect at certain things. She feels like she is either GREAT at something, or TERRIBLE at something, with no room for “OK” or “pretty good”. Over and over I have seen her discount the amazing things she has done or incredible effort she's put into something because it wasn’t perfect. She often responds to a compliment with a self-criticism. She feels like she can’t measure up because she sees people do specific things REALLY well, and she admires those people so much and all she sees is a HUGE gap between where they are (where she’d like to be), and where she is. What she doesn’t recognize, at least doesn’t appear to recognize, is that she is admired by many and a great example to others as well.
So now we come to the whole purpose of this blog post.
My hope and wish for her is that she will recognize her value in her position as a wife and mother, as a caretaker, and as a friend.
I want to tell my wife, my friend, that she is simply amazing. I want her to know what everyone else already knows. She accomplishes more on her “unproductive” days than I do on some of my most “productive” days. It is because of her that our household and family are as great as they are.
Rhoda, I’m so glad you were willing to marry me. You are my valentine, forever. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and you are a beautiful, wonderful, amazing person. I try to tell you “I love you” all the time. I hope that doesn’t diminish the impact of those words. It certainly doesn’t for me. I love you and always will!
I have a good friend that I met a number of years ago. I actually worked with her, or at least worked in the same area. I saw that she was very good at staying busy and being responsible (something I was NOT very good at during that point in time). Over the years, it was obvious the company we had worked for recognized those qualities, because she was promoted and given lots of responsibilities. She continued to work hard for the company, and do her best to follow protocol and meet assigned tasks and train her employees. During this time, she was confident, independent, and successful.
A few years later, she got married, and then quit her job to be a full-time stay home mom. So she went from getting respect, adult interaction and self-esteem that came from the career success that she had experienced this far, to spending a lot of time at home alone with kids, changing diapers, and feeding babies, along with the many, many other things that stay-home moms are responsible for and usually don't get very much respect for.
As I’ve watched her, I’ve seen a bit of that confidence, independence and self-esteem that she had at her job fade over time. Her husband was never home, due to work and school. So she didn’t really have any help. He tried, and still does, but he doesn’t take a lot off of her plate (in my opinion, she could have done better at her choice of husbands, but that’s another story!).
It’s been a number of years since then, and I just have to say that over the years I’ve watched her grow and mature (not that she was immature before). She’s so giving and caring. Her 4 children are smart and well-behaved, all due to her. Her husband has learned a LITTLE bit about being more responsible. Each person in the household eats every meal because she goes shopping to buy the food and prepares it. Every person in the household has clean clothes to wear because she washes them. Every family member participates in and enjoys family home evening because she helps them with their assignments. The kids get to experience things the best way they can based on their family’s financial situation. She cares for others, and she is willing to sacrifice anything for herself if she can provide for another family member first. I know this because I’ve seen her do it.
She had a very deep desire to do things exactly right, which inspires and amazes me, and I think it is a great trait to want to do everything exactly the way it should be done.
Sometimes, though, this same trait (something that some people call being a ‘perfectionist’) can be damaging as well. She feels as if some things are beyond her grasp because she can’t be perfect at it. She feels like she is the only one, or at least one of the few people, who can’t be perfect at certain things. She feels like she is either GREAT at something, or TERRIBLE at something, with no room for “OK” or “pretty good”. Over and over I have seen her discount the amazing things she has done or incredible effort she's put into something because it wasn’t perfect. She often responds to a compliment with a self-criticism. She feels like she can’t measure up because she sees people do specific things REALLY well, and she admires those people so much and all she sees is a HUGE gap between where they are (where she’d like to be), and where she is. What she doesn’t recognize, at least doesn’t appear to recognize, is that she is admired by many and a great example to others as well.
So now we come to the whole purpose of this blog post.
My hope and wish for her is that she will recognize her value in her position as a wife and mother, as a caretaker, and as a friend.
I want to tell my wife, my friend, that she is simply amazing. I want her to know what everyone else already knows. She accomplishes more on her “unproductive” days than I do on some of my most “productive” days. It is because of her that our household and family are as great as they are.
Rhoda, I’m so glad you were willing to marry me. You are my valentine, forever. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and you are a beautiful, wonderful, amazing person. I try to tell you “I love you” all the time. I hope that doesn’t diminish the impact of those words. It certainly doesn’t for me. I love you and always will!
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