Flaws

I know that most people would disagree with me on this point, but I'm going to level with you: I have a lot of flaws. I know, I know, most of you (if there are any of you reading this crappy [crabby?] blog) just thought, "What? Flaws? What on earth is this crazy talk!? Is he feeling OK?"

And yet it's true. I do have many flaws. The biggest problem that I have is that I don't really ever seem to get around to addressing my flaws to improve myself, no matter how much I want to.

Which brings me to my (probably) single-most self-frustrating flaw: I am a procrastinator. Why is it that procrastination has to be so easy for me? I've been meaning to write a post about procrastination for a long time, but I just never got around to it. *smirk*

According to the dictionary, procrastiation is simply to defer action. I think the frustrating thing about this is that when I have something else to try to improve on, my procrastination kicks in and I put off starting on it. In other words, I don't take any action to make the improvements. I find myself putting things off until it is either too late, or at least almost too late. Rhoda hates it. Truth be told, I hate it. But I just let it happen anyway. What's up with that?

I've recently read these quotes about procrastination, and they resonate with me:

To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing. ~Eva Young

I love this one because this is too often my problem. I like to do things in the "best", "most efficient" way I possibly can. This results in my analyzing it to death to figure out what way that is. So to save myself 10 minutes on a task, I might have analyzed it for 20 minutes. Doesn't really make sense when you look at it like that.

Procrastination is the thief of time. ~Edward Young

How many times have I just not had time to do something the way it should be done, or had to cut corners or had to make bigger-than-necessary sacrifices to do something because I put it off?

Procrastination is opportunity's assassin. ~Victor Kiam

This one rings very true for me. How many opportunities have I missed because I put something off? It could be small, unimportant things, like going to see a movie that I really want to see in the theater because it was out of theaters before I ever found time to go. Or it could be huge costly things, like not returning something or getting something fixed before the warranty expires, even though it broke before.

Procrastination usually results in sorrowful regret. ~Ida Scott Taylor

This one kills me. I think about the opportunities I may have missed because of procrastination, such as spending time with Rhoda. Or my kids. Or the fact that I'm a crappy home teacher because I never get around to making those darn appointments. Or missing a deadline. And the problem is that all of those things don't affect just me. Rhoda, the kids, my home teaching families -- they all lose out on that too. And that's something that I definitely regret.

So I'm thinking that in my journey to better myself, the first thing I need to do is improve on this thing. In other words, DON'T PUT IT OFF!

So what is the solution? How exactly does one go about kicking the habit of procrastinating? Or is it even possible?

I'll look into that later.

I Have A Bad Memory

I don't really have a very good memory for a lot of things. I'm not good with names. If I didn't keep an updated calendar, I would forget a lot of events. I don't even remember a lot of past events with all that much clarity.

So believe me when I say that I'm a prime candidate for forgetting important dates and events.

However, I have to say that there are a few dates that remain fixed in my head and I can't even fathom forgetting them (even though I might forget to actually do something about these dates). See, a lot of important dates I remember sort of hit-and-miss. Like someone says the date and I think "it seems like something is special about that date" or something like that. These ones, though, are different. There's no pause in the thought process while I try to figure out why that date sounds familiar. It just comes immediately to my mind. Like that date is forever tied to that event, no matter what else happens on that date.

I guess most of those dates are life-long events. Dates I've celebrated my whole life, every year on that date. Some of those dates are:

• January 1st. New Year's Day. A new beginning. This year's gonna be different. Forgetting to write the new year for the first few weeks (at least) of the year, because you've been writing last year's year for a whole year!
• 4th of July. Cause, you know, it's CALLED the 4th of July and it HAPPENS on the 4th of July.
• December 24th & 25th. Christmas Eve & Christmas Day. This has always been a magical, great time of year (some people even say it's the MOST WONDERFUL TIME of the year).
• August 5th. My birthday. Or the anniversary of my natal day, as my grandpa would call it. See, I've been celebrating that day for my whole life. It came with great excitement and anticipation when I was young. (I think part of the reason I like my birthday is that I'm just arrogant enough to think I deserve my own holiday, and that's about as close as it gets.)

But here's the thing. There are a few dates that change us. They are NOT dates we have associated with certain events for our whole lives, yet somehow they end up being just as clearly tied to those events as the life-long ones.

Some of the dates that change us are publicly tragic events, like September 11th. Will anyone ever be able to say "September 11th" without many of us thinking about the World Trade Center? Others are privately tragic events, like June 28th, the day I lost my dad.

Other dates that change us are dates when something wonderful happens. It's not hard for me to remember, for example, my kids' birthdays. Such a blessing to see each of those special children be born into our family. Or my anniversary. September 21st. The cloudy/intermittently-rainy day that Rhoda and I were sealed for eternity in the Salt Lake Temple.


So why this post on this particular day? It's not a birthday or a wedding anniversary. It's not a widely-celebrated holiday.

It is a celebration of an extremely pivotal day in my life, though. Let me set the stage:

It was the year 2000. I was working at Discover Card, hating my job as a phone sales guy, but it paid some bills and was pretty flexible, which were very desirable traits in a job because I was going to school. In fact, I had just finished up my first semester of post-mission college. I would try to spend as much time as humanly possible with my favorite person in the whole world, Rhoda. We'd even talked a little about getting married, without any real specifics. Much to her dismay, I would always be on the lookout to try to surprise her (she's not a big fan of surprises). Verlene, Rhoda's sister (and roommate at the time), was always game for covert missions to assist in these surprises. Thanks to another successful mission, I was able to even get Rhoda's ring size without her suspecting a thing (at least not that she's ever admitted to). I searched and searched for rings. I went to several stores, and tried to imagine a ring that Rhoda would love and WANT to wear for the rest of her life (and not just because of what it symbolized. I also wanted her to love it on it's own merit as a piece of jewelry). I knew when I found it that it was the one. I was so excited. I made my plans.

I don't remember why, but we were going up to her parents' house in Idaho for some reason (was that the fateful "Sedgwick Yellowstone Trip"?), so we scheduled the time off work. I suggested that just for fun, we go up to this picnic area up one of the canyons that I had heard her talk about a number of times. So we picked up Subway sandwiches and headed up the canyon to Moss Ledge. We picked the highest of the picnic tables. We ate and had good conversation. It was beautiful up there. No wonder it was her favorite place. As things were winding down, I was getting more and more nervous. Finally, when Rhoda was I'm sure thinking "why don't we just leave already, we've been here forever!", I knelt down and proposed. I think it surprised her. And, to my relief, she actually said yes!

Ever since then, June 16th will always be etched in my mind as one of those days that changed my life. Literally forever. We try each year on that day (or close to it) to go up to Moss Ledge (or close to it) with our Subway sandwiches. It's a family event. The kids love to go too. Each time we go, I survey the scene and remember back to one of the most important days of my entire life.

And so today, weather-permitting, we're headed up to the canyon with our Subway sandwiches. And I will remember and reflect on the joy and excitement of that memorable September 16th from 11 years ago.

Thanks, Rhoda, for changing my life 11 years ago, and pretty much every day since. I love you more than you could know.

Catching Up

In many ways, I feel like one of the reasons I don't post on my blog very often is because there is too much to write about. There is just so much going on that it makes me want to not even start.

But, as we procrastinators always find out in the end, you eventually gotta do it anyway, so why put it off? At least that's what I've been saying for the last few months.

There's just something about looking at your blog and seeing this in the blog archive:

->2011 (1)

It's one thing to see that in January. Quite another in June.

So here goes. I have some ideas that will hopefully keep me going on this blog. Don't get me wrong, it's not like what I have to say is important. I just like reading what other people have to say, so I thought I'd allow others the same opportunity.

Probably the most notable thing that has happened since I last blogged is that my little brother has left on his mission. What? I didn't post about it? I don't think I've said a word about it on here. Shame on me. Well, I have watched him as he got his papers ready, sent them in, anticipated his call, opened his call, and then waited and waited to actually leave. That day finally came almost 2 weeks ago now. He's in the MTC, learning Spanish. He's headed to Mexico. For the particulars, you can catch his blog, Ukulately (because he likes to play the uke). My wonderful wife has agreed to update it while he is out there (provided she receives any information to post). :)

It isn't so much that I wanted to talk about where he's going or the nostalgia I feel as I've watched this whole process take place.

It's just plain and simply this:

I am proud of my brother.

He is truly a unique and remarkable young man. He is extraordinarily talented. And most of all, he is a good man as well. He cares about other people, and he doesn't hesitate to do what is right. He has truly been an inspiration to me. And not just with the mission, but with his life. I am honored to call him my brother.

I hope he works hard and also enjoys his mission. I hope he follows the mission rules to the letter. I hope he feels the comforting guidance of the Spirit. I know there will be times when he struggles, emotionally, spiritually, and maybe even physically, but I hope he knows where he can turn for help. I hope that I can be the supportive older brother that he needs while he's there, and beyond. I certainly could have done better up to this point.

So I'll write him. Maybe even a little more often than I've been updating my blog lately!