The Sabbath Day

So today is Sunday. I enjoy the Sabbath day. I went to meet with my Elder's Quorum Presidency, and we discussed some good things for our Quorum. Then my kids didn't really complain when I woke them up for earlier Church. My two Aaronic Priesthood holders, Josh and Wes, even went over to the Church early to set up chairs. We had a good testimony meeting, and the spirit was the strongest during an almost 12-year-old's testimony. He was caught by the Spirit and got emotional. Over something simple. 

He told the story of how his family went to a restaurant, and they wanted to talk to each other and spend quality time as a family, but there were a bunch of TV's that kept distracting everyone. And he said that is what our world is like today--so many distractions, keeping us from strengthening our families and stuff. It was pretty awesome coming from a kid who just got sustained to receive the Aaronic Priesthood today.

I guess it's always interesting who the Lord chooses to use to spread His message and His Spirit. I am grateful for this. You don't have to be the "best" or the most righteous, to act on promptings from the Spirit. You just have to be willing to do what God wants you to do, when He wants you to do it.

Priesthood and Love

So last Friday, Rhoda had surgery. It was kinda major, but pretty common, so she wasn't worried about it. But then she had some people how bad theirs had been, and how she was going to take a long time to recover, and how much pain she was going to have. Rhoda (being the awesome person that she is) didn't let that phase her, but she started to wonder.

Anyway, before we went in for the surgery, I had the opportunity to give her a priesthood blessing, and then the surgery went well, and she is having a fairly mild recovery (especially compared to some of the stories she was hearing from other people).

So as I was thinking about how God's hand had been in my life, I had a conversation with Rhoda about how she's had a relatively mild recovery so far (obviously she's not all the way back to 100%, but so far so good). I had 2 very specific thoughts about how I had seen God in my life.

First, we were witnessing, at least in part, the power of the priesthood, and that one contributing factor to how things have gone so far is that priesthood blessing. I am grateful that God shares that power with His children and allows us to bless peoples lives with it.

Second, I had several people ask about how they could help when they found out about Rhoda's surgery. I had several people ask if we wanted then to bring over a meal or something like that. In these cases, I politely declined, reminding them that we have most of our kids old enough and capable of making a meal, etc. Then one person was like "I'm gonna bring dinner over...is Tuesday or Wednesday better?". Then, someone else was like "Hey, I'm coming over to visit with Rhoda". I told them they'd be welcome, and then as they came, they brought us a dinner for the freezer that we could pull out and throw in the oven any time later. Then, another person was like "Hey, I'm bringing over a couple of meals" and basically just wanted to make sure we were home, and then they brought over a couple of meals. 

At some point, I realized that people don't bring a meal over because they don't think me or my kids could cook a meal. People bring a meal over because they care about us and want to do something. They were sharing their love in a way that they physically could. And that comes from God.

Thanks to those who brought a meal, who wanted to, or were even just willing to. Thanks to those who asked me how Rhoda was doing, who showed genuine care and concern for the welfare of this wonderful daughter of God.

I know God's hand was in it, and I am grateful.

O Remember, Remember

I have had a number of times recently where I have had the recurring theme of remembering pop into my mind. And it is remembering specific things.

I don't remember a lot of conference talks, but one that I actually remember pretty well from over a decade ago was given by President Henry B. Eyring, with the same title as this post (O Remember, Remember, October 2007).

One main thing that I have wanted to do for a long time (because of this talk) but never got around to, was to do what he had done for years. He would write down things every day. He said: "I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: "Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?" As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would case my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done."

I think about all the little things that happen in my life, things that are just straight-up blessings directly from God, yet they were maybe even mostly unremarkable, until I gave it some thought and really felt impressed that God has a hand in the details of my life.

One fairly recent example was this: My oldest, Josh, drives to school every day, and leaves pretty early to attend early morning seminary. My 3rd, Wesley, goes to school across the street from Josh's school, and he rides home with Josh every day. One morning, Wes realized he had left his backpack in Josh's car, so I sent him with a spare key to go get it out of Josh's car before school. It turns out, after school, Josh accidentally locked his keys in the car. But because Wes "happened" to have left his backpack in there, and I "happened" to send him with a spare key, he was able to unlock the door and they were able to be on their way.

When I heard about this circumstance, I had a distinct thought that this happened because it was meant to. Was it a big deal for Josh to have locked his keys in the car? Not really. Someone could have been there in 15-20 minutes to open up the car and get him on his way. It would have been a little disruption to our work, but not a big problem. But I really felt like God orchestrated this whole thing to just make it a little easier on us.

See, it's often the consistent little things that show love, maybe even more than the monumental, occasional acts that happen. 

Anyway, at the end of the day, I decided that I wanted to try what President Eyring did. I want to recognize the hand of God in mine and my family's life. I want to make note of these things so that I can remember. As I thought about where to do this, I had another moment of "remembering"... I remembered that I started this blog forever ago that was just about things that are on my mind. It has been sitting dormant for quite some time, but I think I'd like to use it to accomplish this purpose: to see God's hand in my life and others around me.

Let's see what else we can remember!

Do It Right the First Time

Sweeping the floor.  It's a pretty straight-forward task, in my opinion.  You either get the stuff off the floor or you don't. Pretty clear cut.

One of my kids (I've been learning a lot from my kids these days) hates (I mean, REALLY HATES) sweeping the floor.  I don't blame them, it's not my favorite task, either.  Their turn to sweep the floor came up today, and as they started, I noticed a little carelessness in the first few broom-strokes.  I saw a few things get missed.  Big things that shouldn't get missed (a napkin and a flip-flop!). I took a moment to put aside my "requirement" that these things should be obvious (see previous post, Requirements of the World), and I calmly, supportively explained that if you spend a little extra time and care the first time you do this (and any other) task, you only have to do it once, and that is way better than having to do this chore that you loathe more than once.  I did not immediately inspect it, but I walked through the kitchen a while later and stepped on some stuff that should have been easily caught in a thorough sweeping.  (Even in a not so thorough sweeping, but I digress.) So I called this child back into the kitchen to redo the work.

As I reflected on how it would have been so much easier on them if they had done the task right the first time, I thought about how often I find myself in the same boat.  There are things like this in all aspects of my life.  Things that I don't give proper attention to, or I don't devote enough time to.  I end up having to redo them at a less convenient time, or in a more rigid schedule (due to procrastination, for example). It's just harder when you do it this way.

No, there isn't a specific instance in my life that is currently making me think about this, but it happens all the time.  I really should do a better job at doing things right the first time.  Maybe then I could really pass that wisdom on through my example to my kids, rather than telling them one thing and then doing something different.

I think it was Joseph Fielding Smith that said "Do it! Do it right! Do it right now!"  Good words to live by.

One day I'll get it.

Requirements of the World

My work is currently putting each of its employees through a training course that talks about how to deal with stress.  Sounds thrilling, right?

This is a little different than what I was expecting when I first heard about it, and I've actually learned a thing or two.  The main thing they try to drill into you with this training is that your brain has essentially 2 levels of functioning.  One is sort of the natural functioning, and the other, they call the "Identity System" or "I-System".  You are either in one or the other.  When your I-System is active, the idea is that your mind sort of disconnects from your body, which causes you body tension.  In the midst of this, the mind starts to spin, ultimately preventing you from putting your main focus on what it should be on.

One thing that I really like about this training is that external stress does not equal inner distress.  No matter what is happening around you, hopefully you learn the tools to keep internal distress to a minimum regardless of the external situations you find yourself in.

All that aside, they talk about one thing that activates your I-System is what they have termed "requirements".  In this context, a requirement is one of those things that your mind thinks should happen in your world.  For example, if you find yourself driving down the road, and you're late for work, you get really frustrated when every light turns red, or another driver is driving "irrationally" slow.  In other words, your requirement of the world is that traffic should move out of your way and you should only hit green lights, especially when you are running late.

Sometimes, requirements can be good, and even important things.  For example, I have a requirement that my kids don't run out in the street in front of cars.  Rhoda and I have put this rule in place to keep our children safe.  However, as much as I teach my kids these kinds of rules, it is ultimately up to them to follow them.  Another good example of this is that I have a requirement that Josh (my oldest) doesn't eat any peanuts, because he is allergic and could die.  But again, ultimately, I only have so much control over that.  It is still his decision.

So as I have worked with my kids over the last little while, I have realized that I have these requirements of my kids. I require that they do what I ask of them.  I require that they treat each other nicely.  I require that they treat our family's "stuff" with respect so it can stay in good shape for a long time.  The list goes on and on.

The thing is, I get really angry when they break these requirements.  Like, more than I should.  Out of willful disobedience, or laziness, or even the more benign forgetfulness, they will always make their own choices.

Interestingly, I think this correlates very strongly to why we are here on earth in the first place.  We are able to make our own choices and see if we will make good ones.  

I can tell you that even though I kind of understand this idea more, my reactions haven't changed much.  I yelled at one of my kids for throwing a Wii remote on the tile floor yesterday, especially since they did it out of frustration and was throwing a fit.  Once I took a step back, I could see they didn't intentionally throw it on the tile floor.  They were just trying to un-tether it from their wrist and drop it, but it got caught and flung up in the air and landed on the tile.  I was thinking about it it and realizing that at the moment it happened, I could see the look on their face, that they were just as surprised that it happened as I was upset.  I justify my yelling or frustration by saying things like "we can't ever have nice things because the kids will just ruin them" or stuff like that.

So I'm working on it.  I'm trying to be a little more aware of these requirements and what I can do to "diffuse" them so that they don't cause such a negative reaction in me when it doesn't happen.  I'm sure it'll be a long time before I get it all figured out.

Things That Matter Most

So I've noticed for quite some time that at work, I'm getting more and more to the point where I spend my time working on the little things.  I pretty much just manage bigger projects, not actually do them.  So I spend my time either helping my team understand and work through how to do their part, or taking on some of the smaller things that I can take off of their plates so they can keep working on the big things.  In fact, I have a quote on my wall at work:

You can't motivate people to do things, you can only demotivate them.  The primary job of the manager is not to empower but to remove obstacles.  -Scott Adams

And so I spend my time removing obstacles.

Sometimes it feels unproductive.  Sometimes I still try to get work on other bigger projects done, all to no avail because I spend my time working with others on their stuff.

So I have to go back to the title of the post.  What are the things that matter most?  Am I spending my time doing the things that make the biggest difference?  Sometimes doing the small things, and removing those seemingly small obstacles is pretty important.

There are also different spheres for this discussion.  This post started out thinking about work, but the same concept applies to other areas, such as family life and spiritual things as well.  Obviously some of those spheres cross over each other.

It's an interesting exercise to take some time and consider each of those categories and prioritize your time.  Doing this will help you make sure that you're always spending your time on the things that matter most.

While I was writing this, I thought of a conference talk by President Uchtdorf a couple of years ago, "Of Things That Matter Most".  It's a fantastic talk about making sure that with all the things we have to do, we need to refocus our lives and center our attention on those things that matter most.  His conclusion, and I agree with him, is that the more we refocus our attention to these things, and just get back to the basics, the more joy we will find.

Realistically, this thought exercise makes me think I have a long ways to go before I can honestly say that I spend all my time doing the things that matter most.  Something to work on.

What do I not know?

So I was helping someone at work today. He had a process that took hours to run. I helped him trim it down to taking a matter of about 15 minutes.

Without going into any detail (because it doesn't matter), I basically showed him a feature that he wasn't aware of in the system he was using to build the process. He was happily surprised that it existed.

But it made me think...what don't I know about? What aspects of my life, job, or anything that I do, could be either easier, faster, more enjoyable, or whatever, if only I knew that [insert unknown thing here] existed? Essentially, the question is "What am I missing?"

I know that there's tons of stuff out there that I don't know. But how do I go about seeking that information without inundating myself with just that much more stuff that doesn't do anything to improve my situation?

Any thoughts? If anyone out there knows something that I'm missing, let me know.

I don't know. But at least I know that there are things that I don't know. It's a start.